Canada ~ Your Questions Answered

Its Canada Day....Woo hoo!

Thats right, its the moment you've all been waiting for....I'm going to go straight to Google and help you guys out with the most searched for questions about Canadians.  And since I am a Canadian...who better to ask? 

So here we go:

Top 5: What do Canadians.....?

The Number one question on everyone's mind...(that is everyone, except us Canadians.)

What do Canadians eat?  Wow...you guys really wanted to know that?!  Well aside from our usual diet of fried beaver, seal blubber, and beer....we eat...well just like you.  Truthfully it depends, since we have a rather diverse population...I'm sure that if you came up with some bizarre diet someone in Canada would eat it....so there you go.  Yes, thats true...I'm sure that if you thought up goats blood and cow intestines, you'd find some group that we let into the country under the premise of being refugees...but I won't get started about that...see I'm sticking to the question at hand...look at me go.  And I like to eat Big Turks (no, not large Turkish people...that would be rude...and probably disgusting.)....apparently Americans don't get these tasty treats down there....well let me tell you, they're delicious...oh and poutine is pretty good too (fries with cheese and gravy.)

What do Canadians wear?  Really!?...what is it...12 year olds questioning the Google gods?  Ok...well once our igloos melt, we don't often wear our parkas (unless we're homeless.)  Yes, we wear winter coats...in the winter...and shorts in the summer, except for my husband, who never wears shorts and always wears atleast one long sleeve shirt, but he's cold blooded...(I'm sure) so yeah..he doesn't count.  Other than that, I'm not sure what you were looking for...."gawd, we'd never were synthetics, spandex, or animal prints"...yeah right...

What do Canadians think of their healthcare?  I think its great...Well I hate waiting for a month and a half to see my doctor...but thats my choice.  I could pick from the others....but I'd rather wait.(See...this is me being polite...I could ramble on about all sorts of professional indiscretions...but where would that get me?  waiting for 3 months probably.)  On the flip side though its free...and yes...I can stay in the hospital for a week...and walk out without a bill.

What do Canadians call Canadian Bacon?  It depends...We call bacon...bacon...and I think that what you refer to as Canadian Bacon, we call back bacon...or ham.  How do I know this....A) I'm a genius  and B)  I worked at Smitty's (a breakfast chain)  for several years.   Yeah...you say "Canadian bacon"...we say...."You must be an American....Can I refill your coffee?"

What do Canadians speak?  Gee thats a tough one.  At first, I thought I spoke Canadianese...but it turns out that its English......and technically French too...we are bilingual (and so am I...although I use the word bilingual loosely...very loosely.)  Unless you go to Hongcouver...where I think that more people speak Chinese.  Or out east...where the Easterners roam...and half the time I can't understand them either.....and if you are one of those easterners: Now luh, da arse is gone right out of er.  What you don't understand?!?!?...me either.  But you can look up newfie talk here if you would like to know....but its something or other about the economy.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

*And just in case you are wondering, I don't eat seal and I don't kill helpless baby seals....you'll have to talk to the newfies aboot that crap.  Oh...and I never say aboot...only newfies do...and me...when I make fun of newfies.

Why Can't........

Ok...so apparently there is this new "why" trend....

So what you do is go to the google home page and type 'why'

in this case, I typed "why can't'

Here's what people are wondering....and I'll see if I can't try to help (because I'm helpful like that....seriously...don't give me that look....I am.)

1. Why can't I own a Canadian?

Well.........You can own a Canadian. I happen to own two....what you need to do is fornicate with another Canadian....and bingo bango....viola....a baby Canadian. Congratulations....you are the new owner of a Canadian. That and technically if we keep going immigrant crazy letting every terrorist and fruitcake under the sun in, I'm thinking that a good way to make money would be to auction them off....but I can't see the Conservatives going for that.

2. Why can't dogs eat chocolate?

Good question. But contrary to popular belief, most of our chocolate nowadays, isn't really much chocolate. Infact, when Bing (yes, that is my dogs name....imaginative I know....Bingo with no "o") was a puppy he ate an entire box of Pot of Gold Chocolates, I was horrified and phoned the vet....they claimed that most of that kind of chocolate is actually wax (YUM! - by the way that is my sarcastic font.) So no harm done. - Just as a side note...Bing is an extraordinary dog and has been run over, eaten antifreeze, consumed rat poison and been tortured by various children. So yeah....don't feed your dog chocolate....just incase you aren't a cheap as me and don't carry Pot of Gold and you infact carry some 90% cocoa expensive stuff.

3. Why can't I get a boyfriend?

Really...people ask google this. Well there are various possibilities. Do you shower on a regular basis? Do you like Star Trek? Do you like Cool Ranch Doritos?

I haven't a clue....why?

4. Why can't I lose weight?

wow....perhaps this is related to the last question.
Seriously though.... I think this is a little personal. But if you are willing to be creative...you can lose weight. You can't rule out amputation though! I think that if you were to consult a doctor though, he wouldn't reccommend amputation as a viable option....but hey...what do doctors know?

5. Why can't we be friends?

Well this all depends on who you are.
For the most part the answer is sure...we can be friends....I only have a few rules.

1. You cannot lip off Silverchair....really ...Daniel Johns does not look like BoyGeorge....(and if you utter this again...I will be forced to take someone else as my wingman when they play a concert in this country again.)

2. You must like junk food....at least sometimes. You make me feel unhealthy when I eat chips and you eat celery sticks....lets compromise...I will eat a celery stick and then we can eat a bag of chips. Sounds good to me

3. You can be a good dancer...thats ok...but don't be bustin' out your good moves when we're dancing...because it makes me look even worse.

yeah....thats about it.

See...I'm sure that I have helped many people with this little blurb.

You're Welcome. :) I told you I was helpful like that.

Sometimes Its Good To Be The Last To Know

Ok....I'm officially out of the loop.

I'm always the last to know. When the local restaurateur left his family and decided to bat for the other team, I was the last to know. When the big oil spill happened, my father-in-law asked me about it and I had no clue. So it isn't surprising that when I checked out the top searched for things today on google, I had no idea what any of them were.(...ok...I knew one....the student loans was a little obvious.)

So here...we are going to do a little experiment and see just what it is that I don't know about....

GOOGLE TOP SEARCHES

1. Steven Hill....who????...great now I must google this...

fan-f'in-tastic...I figured out who he is and now I wish I didn't know. Let me sum it up for you....ALLEGED murderer and porn star. See what I mean..... I wish I didn't know.

2. van der sloot.....hmmm...might be exciting...sounds exotic....I will check it out and let you know....

seriously....yet another murderer....

this is getting depressing....yet I push on.

3. Stephany Flores Ramirez.....

ok...#2 apparently murdered #3..... good lord....does no one search for bunnies.

4. Bill Austin Kez Cancer ..... I don't like the sounds of this, but it can't be worse than the first 3.....right?

Apparently poor Bill passed away and was a radio host on KEZ....(wherever that is.)

5. Jordan Vandersloot - I'm not even searching it, because I'm pretty sure that is 2's first name....if I'm wrong, let me know.

(Actually don't let me know....unless he is raising baby kittens to donate to needy cat lovers and wears an eclectic garment the color of rainbows.)

6. Paramore photo leak - Well I know what Paramore is....a band....right? So I'm willing to bet its naked photos, otherwise why would everyone be all worked up about it....

yep....I swear I'm part psychic....Miss Cleo's here I come.(I doubt I could be worse than Miss Cleo...although a white chick in that get up can hardly be taken seriously....and now that I think about it, I don't take her seriously either.)

7. Debralee Lorenzana - I haven't a clue....surprise surprise.

woo hoo...finally something not related to death.... She was fired from Citibank for being too hot....I hear ya girl...happens to the best of us....or maybe it would if I ever had a job I could be fired from.(although once my dad fired me....long story...but it wasn't because I was too hot....he mumbled something about being lazy...but really, if he would have paid me more....money beats the lazy right out of me.)

Obviously Citibank is for uglies...I can hear people closing their accounts right now.

8. Q'orianka Kilcher - too tricky to spell to be a porn star....so lets see....hmmm

ha ha...she tied herself to the Whitehouse fence and subsequently got arrested....and you know why her name sounded familiar...she played Pocahontas in "The New World"...you know the one with Colin Farrell in it. (ok..so you probably don't know...because lets be honest...it was boring...a lot of music and trying to teach her to speak.)

9. Student loans.gov - actually the only self-explanatory one on there.

10. Natalee Holloway - this one ties in with #2, #3, and #5. :(


It's true, I am out of the loop....but I think I prefer it that way.

Does anybody look up fun things.....like trampolines, and rainbows, sunshine, crayons, and bunnies????

Apparently not.