For some time now, I have had this Wednesday activity where Freddie Funnypants and I post one hit wonders on each others facebook walls.
Since everyone who's cool enjoys a good one hit wonder, I thought I'd start sharing them with you. That's right...I'm gonna start my own meme...or whatever they call 'em. (or I guess it doesn't count really if you just started it and nobody pays attention...hmmm)
First of all Freddie had requested the blog name Wang Chuck....I considered it, really I did. But
a) that's sort of blasphemous to Chuck Norris
and
b) it reminds me far too much of this song: (Which will be our very first OHW)
And here is the breakdown for you:
Like every good 80's video I'm pretty sure that all that constant flashing and switching of images could bring on a seizure (Epileptic's beware: I'm giving the warning out of the goodness of my heart...seriously). Although I must say that I am a wee bit disappointed in the lack of neon colors...wtf is with the boring tan background and black outfits. Its only saving grace is the shoulder pads on the guitar player and the dude with the white and green shirt with the cowboy hat (although he doesn't get nearly the screen time he deserves.)
Bonus points for you if you know any lines other than
"Everybody have fun tonight....Everybody wang chung tonight"
I'm not sure what precisely wang chung-ing is.....but really is anyone?
I finally got the pictures back. I thought they looked pretty damn good.
That is, until Viola said..."What the hell, you horrid mom you. How could you not let her get the lasers?"
"There weren't any lasers to pick from"
It's true, there weren't any lasers to pick from. Instead there were some other equally awful ones...which I'm sure will be remembered as awesome in 20 years.
I can still remember being 8 or 9 and begging for the laser beam background. My mom always said no, she said that for the extra $4 it was ridiculous. So, I never got them.... I always did the whole 'well, when I have my own kids, I'll let them get the laser beams, and I'll let them eat all their Halloween candy in one day too' spiel.
Now I have my own kids. and I've realized that I am my mother.
and I just couldn't do it. The thought of those skyscrapers leaning in over her head made my skin crawl. I thought I was being generous, letting her get one that was supposedly a meadow, because I really wanted the grey or blue background.
But now I think maybe, just maybe, I should have let her get the skyscrapers. I mean...the skyscrapers of today are probably the laser beams of yesteryear.
I suppose I should start off with informing you as to what a bucket list is. (Usually I don't but it seems as though I have several followers who aren't from around these here parts and are sometimes confuseled.)
So a bucket list is basically a 'things to do before you die' list. Theoretically you can put on whatever you want...or so I thought. But people always seem to put on things like bungee jumping and climbing Mount Kilimanjaro....neither of which is on my list.
The other evening I was out with Viola En Vogue and Magnolia A La Mode and a few other friends. It was a good evening out. I probably had too much fun, because I recall saying that Fabio's skinny grey haired doppelganger was hot...but I've been in the midst of a drought, so what is a girl to do?!
When all of the sudden the conversation turned to men and someone making out with an Australian. Upon which point in time, it was discovered that I was the sole person at the table to NOT have made out with an Australian.
"That's fine, it's on my bucket list." I replied.
"What's on your bucket list?" inquired either Viola or Magnolia (let's face it...the details are blurry)
"Making out with an Australian."
"You can't have that kind of stuff on a bucket list!" (Pretty sure that one came from Magnolia)
"Why not, I've thoroughly thought this through."
"Oh?"
"Well you see, my freebie...just happens to be Australian, so if that day ever comes, it'll be like a two birds with one stone sort of incident." I reply.
"Really, well does your husband know about this?" (I only put this in here, because I know all of you secret reading ladies from about town will turn this into gossip if I don't.)
"Yes...he does. He has a freebie too.....but good luck with that."
So...who knew. Are there really rules for the bucket list?
What is on my list? You know, I'm not sure...I never gave it much thought until this post...so I'll have to work on it.
So far:
1. Make out with an Australian.... (unless of course that's not allowed.)
2. Go to an Oprah show...but I'd settle for Ellen, since Oprah's nearly over...and I missed the 'favorite things' episode, so I'd probably end up with an interview with a serial killer one. Never mind, I'm taking this one off my list myself.
I received an award last week and had meant to post about it yesterday, but due to my raging fury about pink eye and the over usage of FML, I completely forgot!
So basically now I must sing TBFKA's praises and pass this little gem along.
lalala....she's fabulous....lalala...
(just imagine I'm singing...trust me, it's better than if you actually had to hear me!)
I feel as though I've stepped into a time warp. I recently was given a serger (think fancy 4 thread sewing machine.) I had absolutely no idea how to thread it, since it didn't come with a manual.
I scoured the Internet and discovered that I could order the PDF instructions for said serger for the low price of $39.99!?
What?! Well being that I'm cheap, I thought I'd look on Youtube. Someone somewhere has to have made a video on this....right?!
Well I was right. It just so happens that in 1984 someone did.
And since I had to watch the thing on repeat for a while, I feel as though I should go out and get my self a perm, a pantsuit...and a poster of Corey Hart.
That's right...I would have been one hot 80's housewife.
In your everyday life, sometimes, just sometimes there are signs from somewhere that let you know that you are on the right path in life. Some people say that is what Deja vu is. Anyways, no tales of deja vu here...just plain ol' slap you in the face divine affirmation.
As some of you know, since about 1987 I've overused the word Awesome. It's true...perhaps also somewhat embarrassing, but true nonetheless. If you need proof, here it is, I'm awesome.
On Saturday night I went out in the city with Butter Ripple Liquorlips, Stella Shutthefuckup, Viola En Vogue, and several other as of yet unnamed awesome people. Now the four of us only get together about once every 3 years, so it makes the time extra special. (When I say extra special I really mean extra amounts of alcohol, but don't tell anyone.) However, I would like to say that I am the most responsible of the batch, (but then again saying that is like the quint who was born 32 seconds before the other four is the OLDEST!)
We went out and did several ridiculously stupid things...which I'm opting not to mention, just in case there is some sort of legal ramifications for singing death threats in tune with the Karaoke song. (That would be all about Stella.) Then Stella introduced me to her friend, when she introduced me, I said, "yeah, I'm the awesome one." To which he replied..."more like double awesome." (I know this seems to be extraneous information, but trust me...it's an integral part of the story) (and by the way...it's pretty close to factual information, I've upgraded from awesome to double awesome...especially after a few drinks)
Needless to say the evening carried on... I can't even divulge the good stuff...because it's that bad.
The next morning I was having a little of drinkers remorse...you know the whole..."oh, right, yeah, I did say that" and "wow, yep, I do remember claiming that guy was a member of a certain racist organization. I didn't like him anyways." So feeling a little down about the previous evenings theatrics, we all went for breakfast (I should add that I don't think anyone else was feeling down about it). So we walked down the way to a place called Ricky's (excellent breakfast, btw)....that's when I knew I was on the right path and that the previous evenings activities were in fact meant to be.
TRIPLE AWESOME BENNIES
if that isn't divine affirmation...I don't know what is!
And there is quite a bit of uproar over this whole slippery nipple thing...
well quite honestly, I'm not even sure what the hell a slippery nipple is...and since I'm assuming that its a drink due to this being a bar tab I've ruled out these:
(since apparently this is Sarah Burge the world record holder for plastic surgeries...not to judge, but I would've thought that the £539,500 she spent on plastic surgeries would've bought some perkier boobs, but hey...just saying....and btw I'm betting that plastic boobs have the propensity to be slippery...hence a slippery nipple?!? OK...never mind.)
But alas, I had to look it up (yes, I know, I've been waiting to say alas for a century or two...just wait until I pull out huffenpuff...I'm just waiting for a good excuse to use it.)
Apparently a slippery nipple (at the bar) is a shooter with Bailey's Irish Cream and Sambuca...well you had me until Sambuca. In fact just to prove to you all how devoted I am to my blog, I was going to make one, but I am out of Bailey's. Although for some bizarre reason I have plenty of Sambuca....?! Which trust me, is bizarre. I have some Kahlua, but it just won't be the same.
I'm not sure which thought is more bizarre:
Who the hell named that shooter the slippery nipple?
or
Iron Maiden is still popular in Norway?!
P.S. To those of you who guessed on Monday's post....its supposedly a picture of my husband putting on his sunglasses ...so Kudos to Pennyclad for being at least half right!
I love weekends. Well, weekends when I actually have exciting things to do. This past weekend, I got to catch up with Butter Ripple Liquorlips and Viola En Vogue. I don't often see them, so it was a good time.
Now everyone in the world has a different sense of style (except for those poor sheep who only wear what 'the man' deems as cool....nevermind...thats me....only I'm like 3 years behind whats cool.) Anyways, Butter Ripple has her own sense of style far different from the rest of the world....or at least far different from me.....which isn't necessarily bad.
Viola and Butter Ripple both have a deep love for leggings. I however do not and keep hoping that leggings are on their way out...but so far, no such luck. I mean I always thought the rule was, 'if you wore the item when it was first trendy (80's), you can't wear it during the next trend cycle (now).' Apparently Butter Ripple and Viola don't adhere to this rule. But then again, I don't think that Butter Ripple adheres to any fashion rules.
I didn't say much when she wore the headband with the giant green feather, and I zipped my lips when she went with the hobo hat/toque do...(in the summer), but this is where I had to draw the line. Just when I thought I could detest Butter Ripple's fashion sense anymore, I spied her wearing these hot items.
Just what the heck are they? you ask....they're tacos.... (although they could easily be debated as pitas or falafels....even though I'm not quite sure what the requirements of a falafel are.) But she made them and she claims that they're tacos....so there you go.
Not just any ol' tacos though....these ones are earrings. (ok...so that might be a little obvious from the picture above.)
and she lost one.
So if you happen to be in/around Calgary airport....keep your eyes open....
Back in Grade 7 I met a girl who lived on the same street as I did, but I never knew she existed until then. From then on we became attached at the hip throughout the rest of jr. high and high school. So, in honour of Kelserinni's (kel-sir-een-nee) 29thBarfday (although I highly doubt there was any puking of any sort going on....she's much too mature for that bull-hooey!) I've decided to blog a brief summary of 3 ridiculous ideas we had back in the day.
3) Saying things with an accent made you sound cool. Yes, instead of Strawberry....we said Strawbree....and just pretended that was how we naturally said it. In retrospect it reminds me of the girl in grade 8 who all of the sudden had an Australian accent after she hung out with a few Australian guys one weekend. Guess what...saying "mate" and "a dingo ate my baby" only sounds cool when an Australian says it (actually, the dingo one is only funny if its not actually true). Just as saying Strawbree only sounds cool if you're British....but we didn't care. 2) Pepsi and Cool Ranch Doritos were a sensible meal (not to mention diabetically delicious!)Yeah...completely ridiculous and not even in the realm of healthy. I know what you're thinking...where is the dairy in their diet? Well have no fear....March through May we stocked up on Cadbury Creme Eggs - they count as dairy, right? ( Just a quick side note, I once wrote Cadbury claiming that their Creme Eggs have shrunk over the years....and you know what they told me? Nope, I just grew. Since it was either accept their answer or boycott creme eggs, I decided to accept that perhaps I got bigger therefor thinking the creme egg was smaller. And FYI they make those creme eggs all year long just to be able to meet the Easter demand.) And the awesomest thing that we thought was insanely cool:
1) That singing aloud to music in a minivan...was super cool. The only way we could make it cooler was if it was Backstreet Boys....oh wait, it was. And if you aren't familiar with their work, I suggest you listen to this on repeat until you can get the 'rap' (from like 1:36 to 2:00) part down. If you do manage to memorize it, let me know and when I make my time machine and travel back to 1998, I will allow you to ride around in the minivan with us...However, I call shotgun.
(check out the dance moves...and you guys wonder why I'm such a pathetic dancer....I use no less than 3 of those moves in any dance routine I do.)
So there you have it...and I left out most of the embarrassing stuff (except for the Backstreet boys thing)....I'll save that for when I feel like being evil. :) Hope you had a fantabulous birthday!!!
I'm sure that throughout the world, there are thousands of mugshots taken daily. I'd like to thank these people for adding a ray of sunshine to the stack of otherwise monotonous mugshots.
You know when you wake up and you're thinking hmmm....should I straighten my hair or curl it. Why not go with a little of column A and a little of column B....I like to call it the Half-fro.
or for all you guys out there.....ever get tired half way through shaving and think....aw....screw it! apparently he did.
And this guy....he's great.
Thank goodness he tattooed that there, otherwise I never would have guessed. (for those of you who can't see, it says 'Ladies Love it'....and seriously are those lipstick marks tattooed on there too?) For some reason I'm willing to bet that he isn't that great with the ladies, but hey a positive attitude is half the battle....right?
Don't you hate it when girlfriend steals your outfit!
This guy....well I'm as puzzled as you are.....Arts and crafts gone awry?
(never mind...I looked into it....apparently gold is his favorite color of paint to huff....who knew?)
Sometimes you just have to make the best of a bad situation....
He is either throwin' a little sugar at the officers in hopes of a little favor trade or really thinking ahead that this is the prime opportunity to get a snapshot for his profile picture on Plenty of Fish....I mean really, he couldn't do any worse than the cat men out there.
P.S. I don't think that spray paint huffer really prefers gold paint, I'm sure any ol' color will do.
Ok....robots....and dancing....does it get any better?
Thank you very much-o, Mr. Roboto.
I would also like to point out, that none of the robots are actually doing 'the robot,' a little dissappointing, but I'll live.
Now granted yes, its a super cool video, but I still stand firm on my robots will take over the world theory. Don't believe me, just watch one of the 698 (a low estimate, I know) movies that Hollywood has churned out about that exact theory. This is what the robots want you to see....harmless little dancing machines, but be warned, they're doing this to lull you into a false sense of security....next thing you know you'll wake up in a bath tub of ice missing a kidney.
Yeah I know that its a song (sort of a lame one at that), but its so true.
I got together with my old roomies and our R.A. (yeah...I'm drawing a complete blank as to what that stands for...resident....somethingorother) from College this past weekend, for a ten year reunion of sorts.
Seriously, I think we all agreed that college was one of the high points of our lives and here were some of the best reasons.....and ones that you just can't really get away with now.
9) We never paid for booze....like ever. (and even if you weren't cute, which we totally were, it was like penny (or quarter) jugs....mmm...candy apple penny jugs....actually I tried one a while back, not quite as awesome as I remember.) plus now there is some law about selling liquor that cheap.
8) You could do completely ridiculously stupid things....and people thought it was cool....I may or may not have eaten raw chicken and burnt off all my fingerprints....don't believe me....ask Marci Maple Sugar. (yeah....if I did that now, I think I'd probably be spending some time in either a hospital or a psych ward)
7) Pizza and Kubies were considered an awesome meal. The only time it wasn't so awesome was when Marci turned on the stove with the pizza box from the night before inside....if I had a dollar for every fire she started.....well I think I'd have 5 bucks. Or when that other chick beat up the Kubie guy....Damn I wish I saw that. 6) You could party every night of the week and still only get on Academic Probation(which technically means that you are still in school)....its true. Even on the odd night we stayed home, people would still show up at the door @ 2:00am looking for a party. (Now...if someone even phones after 11:00 I answer with the bitch voice.)
5) Roommates.....Some were crazy, some were awesome, and some invited drug dealers to live on your couch....hey, it happens. (Long story short, drug dealers are incredibly paranoid, and therefor they can be easily manipulated into moving out)
4) You could dance on the speakers at the bar and it was awesome....if I did that now, I'd break a hip, and throw my back out, plus I'd look freakin' ridiculous. Also, it wasn't unusual to know the bouncer and several of the bartenders, and nobody thought you were a loser because you knew this info....it actually made you a priceless friend to have.
3)If you thought small town gossip was bad, college res. is worse....we all knew when 7 sexy vixens was stuck in the neighbor's VHS player.....and he tried to deny it....but too late....the VHS player had already made its rounds. (yes, I realize that nobody even owns a vhs player anymore, but seriously, this would never be as funny with a DVD player.....I mean you wouldn't even be able to read the title if it were a DVD, just one reason to bring back VHS....and 864 reasons not to....but who's counting)
2) You could break into other homes in your cul-de-sac, steal their shit and replace it with cardboard boxes...and nobody was mad....but you had better keep your door locked for the next month...cause payback is a bitch. Try that now....yeah...good luck with not getting a criminal record.
And really....the best reason that college was awesome.......................
1)You could just not go to class for a Mario emergency....I mean really, you can't save on old school nintendo, you just have to keep playing......for days. Quite easily justified then.....try that now, and have a happy time looking for a new job.
ah...then you have to grow up...eventually, or you become one of the people us grown ups talk about.
Remember back in the day when the hippest way to transport a few things was the 'fanny pack.' Mine was pink....the epitome of class and elegance....I was ten....so cut me some slack and I'm pretty sure you probably had one too, so quit hatin'.
So, whilst on my tour for fanny pack related goodness, I came across this awesomeness....
Just when you thought the trend was long over.......Apparently, fanny packs are still rather popular with the 50+ age group. That and fanny packs also have created a niche market for themselves for concealing weapons....see what I mean here.
So that's got me thinking....precisely who uses these gun concealing fanny packs? Is that what they use in 'the hood,' because I can't really see that being taken seriously. (Yes, it sounds odd when I say 'the hood' I know, but what else am I supposed to call it?) Some guy walks up to you and lifts up his shirt to reveal a fanny pack....and then a firearm....really? Do you laugh or run or give him your watch...hmmm. Perhaps fanny packs are this retailers solution to the 'pants on the ground' issue....in which case, I'm in full support!
Or are these fanny pack concealers more for the 50+ age group....because trust me, their purse selection sucks....I don't know any self respecting woman who would carry one of these purses around that's under 45.....In fact, check them out, I may have a Grandma who would think they're stylish, but trust..............she ain't packin' heat.
With all this 'hood' slang I fell like I should be listenin' to some rap music, but I wouldn't know where to begin.....besides....the names rappers have is enough chit chat to fill another blog post, so I'll save it for another time.
And then I discovered this, which made me change my mind about fanny packs...........
And before you start thinking that he's concealing a weapon, we all know that Chuck Norris needs no weapons other than his bare hands.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris allows to live. (to read up on more Chuck Norris facts click here)
Ok....so, most people try to save a little dough when planning a wedding, since the damn things are so expensive. Some cut back on a meal, serving a light lunch instead or have a toonie bar.... (yeah I know everyone here does that, but apparently in high society thats tacky as hell to have a pay bar.)....btw...I'm tacky as hell I guess.
So, this next little vid....I'm thinking they figured they could save some moola if they just had a friend DJ. Hmmm....seemed like not a bad idea, huh?
Check it out....and don't quit watching, because it gets REALLY awesome at the 0:25 mark.
yep....he actually did that in public....
which made me completely forget about his ridiculous rendition of 'The Conga.'
Since I pick on other people, its only fair for me to pick on myself from time to time too. Besides, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at.
As many of you know, I am a horrible dancer.
Recently, several of my friends decided to hold a 'dance intervention.' ............... Yes, I'm that bad....fortunately for me, nobody has managed to capture me on video, to the best of my knowledge....and no, that is not a dare. So don't bother walking around with your video camera ready to go. This poor guy however, was not so lucky.....and before you laugh too much...I think I may have stolen a move or two from him. Just to give you a visual....
At first, I tried to blame it on my friends....you know, they are the ones who hauled my ass on the dance floor. But they claim that when they went to sit down, I insisted that I should carrying on the shit show, by myself. I'd like to publicly thank all of them for leaving me to dance like an idiot by my lonesome. THANK YOU!
Apparently...though, it gets worse. Since I am such a crappy dancer, I apparently only have a signature move that I repeat...non-stop. One that has been termed "The Beyonce Bicycle." Now I threw 'Beyonce' in there myself, in the hopes of classing it up a bit, but rest assured, its bad....really bad. In fact, when sober, I'm not completely sure of precisely how I do it, but it starts out with an arm chugging motion (think enacting a train to a 3 year old.)....and then I throw the legs on in there. And really...its all downhill from there.
So, recently my friends informed me of my atrocious dance moves....I could do nothing...but be thoroughly embarrassed. Then I was invited by a friend to a dance class....yes....I'm that bad. But I figured that really, I had nothing to lose, so why not try it out. So I've been in class for several weeks now....and all I have to say is...... Look out!!! If my dance move (s) were bad before....I have simply learned some even more ridiculous looking moves.
My new repertoire includes (but is not limited to) .... the cabbage patch, Saturday night fever, some move with leg kicks....and a few bad ass hip hop moves. (which I am almost guaranteed to screw up.) So keep your eyes open...you never know when you may see me at my finest.....
Also...while on the topic of dancing. The possibilities are endless....and this is sheer genius. I wish that everywhere that sold liquor also had treadmills....you can be sure I'd be all over this at 2:00 am.
Can't beat the dude in the back on the elliptical...completely oblivious to the awesomeness going on in front of him. FYI, this is a parody of Ok Go - Here it goes again....you can check out the original here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTAAsCNK7RA
I'll be keeping my eye out for camcorders where ever alcohol is served.
And the 
or for all you guys out there.....ever get tired half way through shaving and think....aw....screw it!
apparently he did.
Thank goodness he tattooed that there, otherwise I never would have guessed. (for those of you who can't see, it says 'Ladies Love it'....and seriously are those lipstick marks tattooed on there too?) For some reason I'm willing to bet that he isn't that great with the ladies, but hey a positive attitude is half the battle....right?
(never mind...I looked into it....apparently gold is his favorite color of paint to huff....who knew?)
He is either 
And before you start thinking that he's concealing a weapon, we all know that Chuck Norris needs no weapons other than his bare hands.