Divine Affirmation

In your everyday life, sometimes, just sometimes there are signs from somewhere that let you know that you are on the right path in life.  Some people say that is what Deja vu is.  Anyways, no tales of deja vu here...just plain ol' slap you in the face divine affirmation.

As some of you know, since about 1987 I've overused the word Awesome.  It's true...perhaps also somewhat embarrassing, but true nonetheless.  If you need proof, here it is, I'm awesome.

On Saturday night I went out in the city with Butter Ripple Liquorlips, Stella Shutthefuckup, Viola En Vogue, and several other as of yet unnamed awesome people.  Now the four of us only get together about once every 3 years, so it makes the time extra special.  (When I say extra special I really mean extra amounts of alcohol, but don't tell anyone.)  However, I would like to say that I am the most responsible of the batch, (but then again saying that is like the quint who was born 32 seconds before the other four is the OLDEST!) 

We went out and did several ridiculously stupid things...which I'm opting not to mention, just in case there is some sort of legal ramifications for singing death threats in tune with the Karaoke song.  (That would be all about Stella.) Then Stella introduced me to her friend, when she introduced me, I said, "yeah, I'm the awesome one."  To which he replied..."more like double awesome."  (I know this seems to be extraneous information, but trust me...it's an integral part of the story)  (and by the way...it's pretty close to factual information, I've upgraded from awesome to double awesome...especially after a few drinks)

Needless to say the evening carried on... I can't even divulge the good stuff...because it's that bad.

The next morning I was having a little of drinkers remorse...you know the whole..."oh, right, yeah, I did say that"  and "wow, yep, I do remember claiming that guy was a member of a certain racist organization.  I didn't like him anyways."  So feeling a little down about the previous evenings theatrics, we all went for breakfast (I should add that I don't think anyone else was feeling down about it).   So we walked down the way to a place called Ricky's (excellent breakfast, btw)....that's when I knew I was on the right path and that the previous evenings activities were in fact meant to be.

TRIPLE AWESOME BENNIES

if that isn't divine affirmation...I don't know what is!

Telemarketing Troubles

As many of you know, I don't get out much.

Because of this, I often become slightly obsessive about completely nonsensical shit.  Take for example...a few years back when we moved into our new place, I insisted that a neighbour was somehow selling drugs from his rain barrel.  I just couldn't figure it out.  I watched for hours on end as numerous people came over looked into the rain barrel, stuck their arm in and then discreetly wiped it off and left. 

Being a complete chicken shit, I did nothing, but tell Viola en Vouge and Stella Shutthefuckup about it.  They decided to consume mass quantities of alcohol and check it out on my behalf, since I was home with a new baby.  So, after their drunken rain barrel raid....guess what....he had a damn fish in that thing.  A FISH...wtf.  Who puts a fish in their rain barrel?  Oh well, I got to the bottom of it anyways.  And needless to say, ....OK....never mind, I didn't learn my lesson.

Source

Recently I have become completely obsessed with telemarketers.  Yes, it's true.  The same company phones me everyday, Monday to Friday.  It's Bell mobility or something like that.  Truthfully, I'm not 100% sure, because the call never lasts that long.  A few weeks ago, I was in a pissy mood and answered this telemarketer, who was obviously not an English as a first language person. 

She insisted that her name was Susan.  Yep, she flat out insisted.  I insisted otherwise....

"Hello, my name izzz Suzan, I am calling from Bell mobeelity"

"Oh, Hi, Susan...if that is your name." I reply

"What you mean....'Iiiiif that izzz my name, I tell you my name izzz Suzan."

'Oh...what's your last name 'Susan'?"

"Iiiiit iz Smeeth, uh....Smyth"

"You mean  Smith, because you're saying your own name wrong.....That's the most generic name I've ever heard, I don't think that's your name."

CLICK
yep...she hung up on me!

Source

It's getting bad....I've started racing to the phone....just to get the damn telemarketing call.  You see, now I must prove to myself that they are using fake names.  But no, it's not enough just to know it, I must have one of them admit it. 

So far, I've gotten an awful lot of hang ups.  And I absolutely HATE being hung up on.

This morning, though, my quest has ended...with Sam.  Yep, This morning Sam called.  Sam Smith.

I told him that there was no way in hell his name was Sam Smith.  He reluctantly agreed.  But once he agreed, the damn guy was a chatterbox.  He said that he had to go with Smith because there was no way in hell that I could pronounce his real last name, Kanloodi...or Kamloopi....or Kavlooki...who am I kidding, I have no idea how to say it.  It almost made me want to buy the rip off of a phone that he had no desire to make me buy after I had blown his cover. 

So now that I've solved this mystery, I guess I'll have to find a new one to solve.