Don't Look Now!

A road trip with Butter Ripple Liquorlips is truly like no other.

She always says the most ridiculous things.

Enjoying our rather scenic drive to the city and listening to each others music...finally after about an hour and a half of her tunes, I get to play one.  Butter Ripple says

"Do you know what this song needs...?'

"No, I don't" I reply

"It needs finger cymbals" says Butter Ripple

"What?!  Did you just say finger cymbals...Who even owns finger cymbals?!...that's ridiculous!"

"Well, I would own finger cymbals...if you bought them for me for my birthday."

"Yeah...I'll get all over that."

So it wasn't exactly out of the ordinary when she said

"Don't look now, but we are being followed by a pack of cats."

I quickly glance in the rear view mirror....no cats.  Then I do a full shoulder check...no cats.

'What?!  I don't see any freaking cats."

"Really?!  You can't see them, they're practically stalking us!"

I look again...but this is all I see

source

"All I see is a bunch of power lines!"

"Exactly!!!  Don't you think they look like cats kinda?"

Well, I suppose that they kind of do....

Divine Affirmation

In your everyday life, sometimes, just sometimes there are signs from somewhere that let you know that you are on the right path in life.  Some people say that is what Deja vu is.  Anyways, no tales of deja vu here...just plain ol' slap you in the face divine affirmation.

As some of you know, since about 1987 I've overused the word Awesome.  It's true...perhaps also somewhat embarrassing, but true nonetheless.  If you need proof, here it is, I'm awesome.

On Saturday night I went out in the city with Butter Ripple Liquorlips, Stella Shutthefuckup, Viola En Vogue, and several other as of yet unnamed awesome people.  Now the four of us only get together about once every 3 years, so it makes the time extra special.  (When I say extra special I really mean extra amounts of alcohol, but don't tell anyone.)  However, I would like to say that I am the most responsible of the batch, (but then again saying that is like the quint who was born 32 seconds before the other four is the OLDEST!) 

We went out and did several ridiculously stupid things...which I'm opting not to mention, just in case there is some sort of legal ramifications for singing death threats in tune with the Karaoke song.  (That would be all about Stella.) Then Stella introduced me to her friend, when she introduced me, I said, "yeah, I'm the awesome one."  To which he replied..."more like double awesome."  (I know this seems to be extraneous information, but trust me...it's an integral part of the story)  (and by the way...it's pretty close to factual information, I've upgraded from awesome to double awesome...especially after a few drinks)

Needless to say the evening carried on... I can't even divulge the good stuff...because it's that bad.

The next morning I was having a little of drinkers remorse...you know the whole..."oh, right, yeah, I did say that"  and "wow, yep, I do remember claiming that guy was a member of a certain racist organization.  I didn't like him anyways."  So feeling a little down about the previous evenings theatrics, we all went for breakfast (I should add that I don't think anyone else was feeling down about it).   So we walked down the way to a place called Ricky's (excellent breakfast, btw)....that's when I knew I was on the right path and that the previous evenings activities were in fact meant to be.

TRIPLE AWESOME BENNIES

if that isn't divine affirmation...I don't know what is!

I'm ba-ack!

Alright...for those of you who noticed that I've been gone.

Its true.

I've been gallivanting across the country side from a family reunion to a trip to the mountains to see Butter Ripple Liquorlips.  I had good intentions of posting...but since there hasn't been a post...I guess you can assume what happened to my good intentions....I drowned them in wine.  (preferably white...but apparently, the later the evening gets, the less picky I am.)

I decided to make a quick pie chart to let you in on my activities for the past couple of weeks.

yeah....that about sums it up.

And the oddly hairy Indian woman was downright creepy. 

Butter Ripple's Route

OK...So Butter Ripple Liquorlips is rackin' up the air miles fast.  Next week, she has decided to take a trip to Florida.  She is driving down and then flying back and has planned it out to take about 10 days.

Now granted, I am not much of a USA buff.  Yes, we have to learn about all of the States back in Grade 5, but truthfully, I never really kept up with it.  (After I was horribly mocked for calling Arkansas  AR...KANSAS...you know like the pirate version of Kansas....ARRR-KANSAS... I lost interest....seriously, that is a true story.)   I know where most of the coastal states are, but in truth, if its in the interior, I haven't a clue as to where each state is. 

Butter Ripple has mapped her way out as follows. (Obviously, she too is more comfortable with the coastal states.)  In order to pay the most money for fuel in the history of a trip to Florida she will be back tracking several times.  Yes....she's crazy (....this diagnosis is not confirmed.)

I have kindly mapped out an alternative route (once again, I'm  nice like that),  but she insists that you never hear of crazy shit going on in Wyoming or Nebraska (which is true...I think, but then again, I don't keep up on all the hot goss over there.)  That and I think that she's afraid that if she goes to Utah she'll turn into a Mormon and love to scrapbook...which doesn't sound horrible to me, but for Butter Ripple, it's a fate worse than death.  (Her name is Butter Ripple Liquorlips for a reason!)  That said, I told her that she couldn't miss Kansas...hello...ruby slippers anyone.  But she informed me that she didn't care for Toto, so there you go. 

So in true Butter Ripple fashion, she will be hitting all the hot spots that serve booze...and lots of it.  On second thought, maybe that isn't such a bad way to plan a trip.

Australia.....Things to Consider

So Butter Ripple Liquorlips is considering a change of pace. She's thinking that perhaps she should take some time to travel and perhaps work in Australia. I've decided to inform her of a few things she might not have thought about.

Source:

Sure, everyone knows about their beautiful beaches, the surfing, and the Uggs...(not everyone considers that a pro....but I do....yes go ahead and judge me by my poor choice in footwear...hey at least they aren't Crocs.) Also, for those of you who haven't visited my blog for a while and are unaware of my borderline unhealthy Silverchair fascination, they hail from down under as well. And don't forget, you can see Kangaroos and Koalas and a bunch of other animals that you will only see here in a zoo. Everyone knows all these great things about Australia, but here are some things you should consider:


1) They have spiders as big as your head....I heard that once and I choose to believe it.

2) Contrary to popular belief a Tasmanian Devil will not be outsmarted if you pretend to be a rabbit.

3) They 'dispose' reindeers...yep...Santa usually uses Reindeer...but not there...he uses kangaroos(hence the six white boomers song)...so what happened to the reindeer????? (yeah....just what I thought)

4) They always say....Bob's your Uncle....well really, If he's everyone's uncle, isn't that just a bit creepy.........?!?!?!?!


5) Whats with saying "Fair Dinkum" ???...I find it highly inappropriate to comment on the size of a gentleman's package. (Unless it means something else....in which case...I'm perplexed.)



6)You must wear earplugs or the didgeridoo will hypnotize you and you will think Vegemite tastes good.

7)You should avoid anywhere that there may be crocodiles.....Crocodile Dundee is too old to save you.

8)You can never have children if you live there.....Dingos eat them.

9) I am starting to question their sanity....a GROWN Australian man got himself some vanity plates that say "BIEBER".....you know as in Justin Bieber....the 16 year old singer/boy every 13 year old is swooning over....and apparently this 34 year old also thinks he's pretty cool.



So there you have it....a few Australian tidbits that you may not have thought about...





by the way....I googled fair dinkum....not as sketchy as I thought.

The Lone Taco

I love weekends. Well, weekends when I actually have exciting things to do. This past weekend, I got to catch up with Butter Ripple Liquorlips and Viola En Vogue. I don't often see them, so it was a good time.

Now everyone in the world has a different sense of style (except for those poor sheep who only wear what 'the man' deems as cool....nevermind...thats me....only I'm like 3 years behind whats cool.) Anyways, Butter Ripple has her own sense of style far different from the rest of the world....or at least far different from me.....which isn't necessarily bad.

Viola and Butter Ripple both have a deep love for leggings. I however do not and keep hoping that leggings are on their way out...but so far, no such luck. I mean I always thought the rule was, 'if you wore the item when it was first trendy (80's), you can't wear it during the next trend cycle (now).' Apparently Butter Ripple and Viola don't adhere to this rule. But then again, I don't think that Butter Ripple adheres to any fashion rules.

I didn't say much when she wore the headband with the giant green feather, and I zipped my lips when she went with the hobo hat/toque do...(in the summer), but this is where I had to draw the line.
Just when I thought I could detest Butter Ripple's fashion sense anymore, I spied her wearing these hot items.

Just what the heck are they? you ask....they're tacos.... (although they could easily be debated as pitas or falafels....even though I'm not quite sure what the requirements of a falafel are.) But she made them and she claims that they're tacos....so there you go.

Not just any ol' tacos though....these ones are earrings. (ok...so that might be a little obvious from the picture above.)

and she lost one.

So if you happen to be in/around Calgary airport....keep your eyes open....

you may come across a lonely taco.