It's Time For An Intervention

I came to a sad realization yesterday. :(

I hadn't noticed before, but now that I've noticed, there is no turning back.

and I blame Scott.


That's right.  If it wasn't for that fateful day in September of 1982, I would not have this problem. :(


What problem you ask?
(well, in all truth, if you had checked out the Scott link, you would already know.)



I've been going overboard with freaking emoticons.  ;)
Yes, that's right, it looks like the keyboard threw up all over my posts, comments, and statuses....and what's worse...none of you said..."What the hell is with the overuse of emoticons? O_o"

I mean maybe it isn't that bad yet.  I never add noses to my emoticons and I don't use the :P one either.  I think that once you do that, you are a whole new level of ridiculousness...am I right?  D:

Sometimes You Have To Get Creative

Thankfully it's warmed up here.

In fact, it's damn near tropical at -5.  It sure beats the -40 (with the windchill) that we've had the past few days.

I try not to complain about the weather, because the truth is, it's not surprising.  I've lived in Alberta my whole life.  Chances are pretty good that at some point between the months of November and March that there will be a ton of snow.  Chances are the thermometer will dip below -30.  Chances are there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, so I try not to dwell on the fact that it's cold.

But the cold brings about problems that drive me crazy.

The kids are cold.  I must dress them in all the gear from toques to ski pants to snow boots and beyond.  easy fix.

The Yukon won't start. I must plug it in....problem solved.

The one thing that drives me crazy....is the satellite dish. 

Since the guy who installed it was a lazy SOB (that Starchoice sent), it sits in the one spot on our roof that always (and I mean ALWAYS) gets a snow drift. 

When my husband is home, I usually complain enough that he manages to concoct a scheme involving ladders and broom handles taped together. However, he currently is away....and



I'm just too damn short.

I tried that, but we don't have a very tall ladder, so currently I'm hooped.

I figured that it'd melt in a few days, but now we are on day 5 with cooped up kidlets and no TV.  Thankfully we have an extensive DVD collection.

So I thought, I could do this....I can fix that blasted satellite dish....I mean , why can't I?

After much consideration....I decided that this was my best option:

(yes...that exact model)

So, if you happened to drive by last night and saw me precariously perched on a chair from our patio set spraying hot water 40 feet in the air ...that's what I was up to.



and just for the record....no ....it didn't work.

(and I ended up with a soaking wet arm...and now there is probably and inch of ice on the damn thing)

But as I said....it's warming up here...only another 3 days and I'm betting the Satellite will come around.

What has been your best unconventional fix it plan?

Canada Needs A New Holiday

Canada is technically a relatively new country. maybe that's why....

We have no exciting original holidays.

And yes, I know we have plenty of other holidays...but plenty of other places have Christmas, Halloween, Easter, and Thanksgiving.

I got to thinking last week when all of my UK blogger peeps were talking about Guy Hawkes Day. (Check out the festivities over a Mrs. Midnite if you'd like)

That's right. They have a holiday...one that involves fire and fireworks to commemorate

well, basically a terrorist attack.  Guy Fawkes and his posse wanted to oust the protestant King and put in a Catholic one. 

So why not make it a holiday.  My thoughts exactly!

The Mexicans get Cinqo de Mayo (yet another holiday derived from a battle)
The Chinese have Qing Ming (and another bazillion neat holidays) - OK...it's really not that exciting, but it's a holiday none the less to go and sweep the tombs of their ancestors.

Here in Canada...we don't have any of these holidays.  I suppose it can be argued thatsince we are multicultural there are people in Canada who celebrate these holidays here.

That's not what I'm looking for.  We need our own exciting holiday.  Yet another reason to party, have fireworks, and altogether drink to much alcohol. (or not...if that's not your style)

As you can tell I've been thinking...

a) Snow day - pick a day...and no it can't be "Family Day" because half the provinces don't even get that holiday.  But it can be a whole day centered around fun in the snow.

yes, I know it's ridiculously lame.

We need something more exciting. (and preferably in the hotter months)
and I suppose that technically we should base it on historical significance.  I mean that's what the rest of the countries did.

 Laura Secord Day - She was historically significant....and now she represents a candy store.  We could have a day off and gorge our selves on chocolates.

Brian Mulroney Day - basically you'd get the day off to sit on your ass and accomplish nothing.  oh...and you'd have to get paid for it too.

or maybe

 October Crisis Day - but then again, the rest of us Canadian would rather forget about that. 

So what new National Holiday do you think should Canada have?

What Qualifies For News In Parma

So, apparently this is the hot goss.



If you don't have the patience to watch it, it's basically about an 11 year old boy farting on the school bus.  Then he got detention over it.   He thought it was funny, what 11 year old boy doesn't?....wait a second....what man at any age doesn't find that amusing...don't ask me why, it must be something hardwired into men's DNA. 

Really?!  Detention for just farting, I mean when I was 11 I think there were a few boys who tried to fart along to Jingle Bells...I'm not kidding (and no, they didn't get detention.)  This poor kid doesn't even have any real "talent" to his farting...and he's still in trouble.

Obviously they missed that episode of Oprah.  You know, the one with Dr. Oz where he said that everybody passes gas something like 14 times a DAY. 

Apparently this is what PASSES for news around there.  (haha...I know, I crack myself up too!)

What's Your Favorite Color?

I went in to the hardware store to get paint yesterday.

It had a sign that said 'What's your favorite color?"

and then it proceeded to list all the colors and what it meant about you if you liked them.

Orange - You are outgoing, personable, and fun to be around

Red - You are probably physically fit, sexy, and love to please others

Anyways, you get the idea.

I thought, really?!  I highly doubt that.  Why do they always write crap like that.

Probably to make people feel better about themselves. 

Orange - You are weird.  Plain ol' weird.  You march to your own drum, mainly because other people don't like how you play your drum. (but if you like it, who cares?!)

Red - You are an angry person. That is what red means anger... or love.  Well you can be both...in fact you probably are.  And according to our nation health statistics, it is probably quite improbable for you to be physically fit...so if you are...you're the odd one out.

Blue - You veer towards depression, but since that is also rather prevalent in today's society, you probably veer towards there no more than someone who likes pink.  You like rainy days, but only if you have an umbrella-ella-ella.  You also like peanut butter...unless of course you are allergic to it.
Purple - you support gay rights...or you're the lady who works with Just Plain Tired and live under a rock and had no idea what purple meant.  Also, you wear too much perfume.

Green - You're earthy.  You probably like camping and bugs.  You fashion clothes out of leaves in your spare time.  You once dreamed of being an entomologist..or a movie star.

Black - You are in a state of either permanently wanting to be viewed as skinny or Gothic.  You probably write with a pen and hate erasers.

White - You love popcorn.  Some people think you are a good dancer, but you aren't (I can't say this for a fact, until I've seen you dance.) 

Yellow - Does anyone ever even pick yellow?!  It makes babies cry more...yellow rooms.  I read that once and I chose to believe it.  So if you like yellow, I'm not sure what that says about you, you make babies cry?! 

Yeah, I'm sure that is probably just as accurate as the other lists you see around.

So...do tell, what is your favorite color?!

Don't Look Now!

A road trip with Butter Ripple Liquorlips is truly like no other.

She always says the most ridiculous things.

Enjoying our rather scenic drive to the city and listening to each others music...finally after about an hour and a half of her tunes, I get to play one.  Butter Ripple says

"Do you know what this song needs...?'

"No, I don't" I reply

"It needs finger cymbals" says Butter Ripple

"What?!  Did you just say finger cymbals...Who even owns finger cymbals?!...that's ridiculous!"

"Well, I would own finger cymbals...if you bought them for me for my birthday."

"Yeah...I'll get all over that."

So it wasn't exactly out of the ordinary when she said

"Don't look now, but we are being followed by a pack of cats."

I quickly glance in the rear view mirror....no cats.  Then I do a full shoulder check...no cats.

'What?!  I don't see any freaking cats."

"Really?!  You can't see them, they're practically stalking us!"

I look again...but this is all I see

source

"All I see is a bunch of power lines!"

"Exactly!!!  Don't you think they look like cats kinda?"

Well, I suppose that they kind of do....

Yes, We Are Grown Women

 What happens when you put 8 ladies in a room with alcohol and a cut out of Robert Pattinson....?

Well, nothing good can come of this.(don't worry, there's photographic evidence to follow)

I belong to a small group of ladies, that from here on out will be referred to as "The Ladies."  The Ladies and I get together every month.  Each of us has a turn in hosting an evening throughout the year.  We do all sorts of things.  Go for dinner, drink, go to movies, drink, go on scavenger hunts, Amazing Races, and sometimes we drink.  (But truthfully, it's alot less drinking than I imply, because...well chances are at any given moment there are at least two ladies who are pregnant and/or nursing.) 

Last week it was my turn.  Being the hysterically funny person that I am...I bought a Robert Pattinson cardboard cut out.  Yes, it's true.  Just a little FYI, it was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life (except for when I was 8 and had to go to the doctor to get a sliver extracted from my hooha...note to self...don't slide down wood banisters.)  Anyways, the local video store (Jim's Video...that's right, there's no Blockbuster around these parts) has had a cardboard cutout of the Hollywood heartthrob for months.  I figure, being the awesome customer that I am, I'll take it off their hands for $29.99.  I stroll in to the store prepared to do my best 'I'm not sure who this guy is and I'm not some crazed woman who is going to dance nude with a cut out of a sparkly vampire' act.  When they inform me that these cut outs are a hot seller and that they keep having to order more in.  Seriously, I was as shocked as you are now.

I had been planning the purchase for weeks.  It's a small town and the rumour mill would be going crazy if someone saw me walk out of the store with the massive cut out of a sparkl-icious vampire (really since when do vampires sparkle?!).  Long story short...it folds up so that nobody knows that you are secretly carrying a vampire with you. 



And no, Twilight, was not my premise for the evening.  It was The Price Is Right...and he was a prize...well, just in case some one's husband was gone, then they didn't have to enjoy the wine alone.



Well the poor cardboard cut out didn't last the evening. 



After we all posed with him, we decided he needed to go to the bar (everyone knows that a silent and good looking man is priceless) .  Some jealous bitches tore our man up.  And by jealous bitches, I mean two drunk guys.





well, if this is the dumbest thing I do all year, I'm good.

p.s.  I'm in the purple...but my eyes looked crazed...so black out bar you get.

And for those ladies who are wondering where the hell your picture is...they didn't all turn out...and some of you weren't as enthusiastic as others. :(

Those Fantastic E-mail Forwards

I hate those e-mail forwards.  You know, the ones with the 18 bazillion rules at the bottom (OK, well truthfully its usually closer to 4 than 18 bazillion).  You must forward this to 12 friends. You must do this within 12 hours. You must do everything this says.  If you don't then your crush will be flattened by a piano while walking to tell you that he/she is madly in love with you, then you will never find true love and live your life with 15 cats and die alone. 

Yeah, that pretty much sums up those e-mails.
I am an e-mail forward hater...(I do like that chalk guy's drawings though)..in fact, I've been known to send e-mails back to the sender saying..."..this simply isn't true...you better tell everyone that they won't be receiving those free computers/cheques from Microsoft...."

The other day Henrietta Huffenpuff (yes, another new one...I've been waiting to use Huffenpuff in some one's name for a while!) sends me a bunch of e-mails.  It's not out of the ordinary...but this is what she sent.

followed by this:

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Give these flowers to everyone you don't want to lose in 2010,  Including me, if that's what is in your heart.
Try to collect 8 ; it's not easy!

I had no choice but to send this back:

In Henrietta's defense, she phoned to tell me that she did not forward me "the one about gang's using baby strollers to lure mothers in for the attack.  I know how you get about that crap...so I checked it out on snopes...it's not true by the way....but a little Fengshui, who couldn't use that!"  ..."I mean other than you"

Dare to be different.

And just a quick little note.  I will be posting Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from now on.  That way, you guys will now when I should have new stuff up!

p.s.  I had to make the pictures of the e-mail's small, so that they'd fit in the post...sorry :(  I know they are ridiculously difficult to read.