The Dangers of Sleep Deprivation

Everyone knows that the term "sleeping like a baby" is completely bogus....unless of course they mean sleep for a few hours at a time and squawk in between because they are hungry/poopy/or perhaps bored.

So, I am lacking on sleep...but just a little...most days.

This lack of sleep has led me to bumble aimlessly about.  Doing things and saying things that I don't put much thought into.

I listen to music all of the time.  In the vehicle as me and the kidlets ramble around town it is usually on XM 20 on 20 channel.  They are usually full of upbeat songs that the kids like.  Music kids like = quiet kids.  So the other day I hear them singing this:

Really, they only sing the part at 1:50....Yes, I heard them say "Shake that Ass."   Great.  Proud parent moment right there.  So, I quickly had to remedy the situation....

"uh...what did you say?!"
"Shake that ass.."
"Oh...well, just so you know, that's not what they are saying....it's shake that HAT."

First crisis averted...and lesson to me to not listen to that crap channel. (also note to self: make the kids wear hats, so that they can shake them if the song is playing again.)

However, I don't learn lessons the first time apparently.  We were once again listening to the top 20 station and I was a little sleep deprived...

This song started playing that said "Drop that Booty"  (I know, I tried to find it, but you try youtubing booty drop, and drop that booty....see what you get... 'gay poppin' booty droppin' is not what I was looking for...although I must hand it to the gays...they have a very keen sense of rhythm...I do not.)

Anyways, some 'drop that booty' song comes on....I immediately correct it to BOOBY...(wtf was I thinking....as if that made it better?!)  but the damage was done.  I was tired, the baby was hungry...booby seemed like the obvious lyric switch.

oh crap.

I had to think fast.

Thing 1 says...."they said to drop your booby?"

"Um...yeah, like booby trap...it must be a song about mice...like mouse trap. "


And then I switched it to the Disney channel.

I might as well get a damn minivan.

What To Do With An Earworm

I'm out of the loop.

This is pretty much always true.

So last week, I told you guys about that Mother, Mother song....Hayloft, you know the one.  (Or maybe you don't, in which case, you should really check it out....)  Anyways, I can't seem to get this song out of my head.  Apparently there is a whole website dedicated to this very phenomenon of having a song stuck in your head.  You can check it out here. (www.unhearit.com)

So I figured I'd give it a try, because, perhaps I'd find another catchy tune, but no,
instead I end up with some song called "My Sexy Humps Are Back."  WTF...Seriously, that is exactly what I thought.   I like to think that I'm rather up to speed on my musical pop trivia crap, but I have no clue what this song is supposed to be.  ...But, since I am so adventurous (ha ha), I decide to have a little listen. 

Basically it's every crappy song on the charts from 2004 mashed together.  So I decide to pick a new one...nope, it won't let me.  I must listen to this sexy humps garbage again.  I click on "new song" again.  no dice.  It's like the shitty music gods are striking me with lightening.  In fact, I pressed the damn button 15 times (and counting.)  It won't let me go. 

Now it dawns on me that its probably some sort of alien infused message thing.  Maybe some sort of mind control brought on by the Obama administration...either that or Brian Mulroney...never mind, I doubt that either of them are that smart.  So back to the alien theory I go. 

Finally....after attempt 32 (ish....with an emphasis on the ish...because lets face it....I quit counting after the fifth try.)  It lets me switch tunes....

Achy Breaky Heart.

Yeah, I think I'll listen to the Hayloft song again.

oh, and for those of you who thought an earworm was an actual insect...sorry...it's just a song stuck in your head.

What song did unhearit.com give you?

Insane Crap You Can Buy On Ebay

It's true. I have too much time on my hands.

Sometimes, I just browse eBay, in case, I happen to find something good.

I say this, but truthfully, I've never bought a damn thing off of eBay. Besides all the good stuff is in England or the States. Then I'd have to pay shipping and all that crap. Then, guaranteed the rejects at customs like to keep my shit there for 4 weeks, until I undoubtedly have to phone and complain. So yeah, I'll just check out the second hand store up town for hot deals...or not. (but seriously, I just bought an old gumball machine there, I love it!  I'm not precisely sure what I'm going to do with it, other than the obvious, but I'll stock pile it, in my crap I've accumulated and refuse to get rid of pile)

Do you know the hot deals you can get on eBay?!

Well aside from matching salt and pepper shakers, duvet covers, and knock off designer purses, for the low price of $10,000 you can get a Vampire Invincibility Spell.

Don't believe me check it out here. (well only for the next 5 days, because then the listing is finished!)

Aside from that awesome spell, you could always go for the top seller, werewolf transformation, or maybe the old standby beauty spell.  In fact, for like $9.00 you can get a hair removal spell, which sounds mighty tempting, however, what about the whole long luscious locks I'm slowly growing out. I'm just lazy and don't want to shave my legs....but what if I end up with no eyebrows....(see, I think I'm going insane...I'm pondering this as though the spell will undoubtedly work!)

So, lets say that you have a spare $10 000 laying about.  And lets say, for the sake of my little rant here, that you bought the vampire invincibility spell.  How the hell do you prove that it doesn't work.  Because if you are only injured, then of course it worked, you could have died.  And...then you know, if you happen to be snuffed out, well then, you won't exactly be collecting a refund, will you?

I've decided that this lies somewhere between pure insanity and pure genius!  I think I've found my calling. 

p.s. I think its a bad sign that the seller says "makes u bulletproof"  I trust no one that uses that whole ridiculous texting slang while trying to be serious.  CUL8R
-yeah it only took me 3 years to figure out that little monstrosity of numbers and letters had nothing to do with cuter or curlers.
go figure.

I'm A Poser With A Lawn Mower

I can almost hear Angela Apple Bottom insisting "that's what you get for being a poser." Since she does remind me of this every time I decide that I am going to reinvent myself. She said it when I went out and got workout gear and some brand new cute Nike's, and decided that I was a runner....oh and I needed an Ipod shuffle. When she asked why one of my other Ipod's wouldn't do, I insisted that they were too big, and that if I was really going to be a runner that I would need to have a shuffle. Because everyone knows that a good runner has a shuffle and if they don't, I bet they wish they did. Angela laughed out loud and told me she'd see, but that she was willing to bet that this running thing wasn't long lived. She was right, which brings me to my newest reinvention: Environmental Activist....or at least Lover of the Environment.For several years now, I have been whining to my husband that I think we need an old-fashioned lawn mower. I told him that in my opinion they are way better for the environment and they have the added bonus of being quieter. He did not share this opinion with me. In fact, in order to show me just how much he disagreed, he bought some big ugly yellow monstrosity, which I think is the biggest frickin' lawn mower you can get without it being self-propelled.

So recently, he caved. He told me that if I really thought it was such a hot idea, we'd get one, but that I'd have to mow the lawn (and that we were keeping the big ugly one for when he has to inevitably mow the lawn, because I quickly lose ambition on these sorts of outdoor tasks.)

At the time, this seemed like a great freakin' idea (I'm full of 'em) so I was a little smug, thinkin' that we should've done this years ago. And just imagine all the gas that we could have saved, had we started years ago.


Then he kindly mowed the lawn with his lawnmower so that I didn't have to hack down the amazon jungle that was our front yard with my new one. He then gathered a small audience to watch me mow the lawn.(Yes, right after he mowed it....and technically the audience was one friend, but it sounds more dramatic with several ....so just imagine.)


Well...whose smart idea was this ridiculous lawn mower? (Right, it was mine....unfortunately)


I am a fruit loop. Seriously....I was sweating...and FYI, I have a self- proclaimed allergy to sweat...which could've been a factor in my failure to be a runner. Aside from the few cackles and "I've never even seen one of those in person."...it wasn't horribly embarrassing...but it was beyond difficult.(Yes, for dramatic effect, I included a sweaty shot of 2 of the Jo Bros. in hopes of you being so turned off that their popularity plummets and I don't have to listen to them ever again, including from my 4 year old.)

This isn't just a workout....it is torture....but I keep pepping myself up with my little talk about being environmentally friendly...we'll see how long it lasts.


I'm not exaggerating when I say that I will have to mow the lawn every other day...otherwise it will be unmanageable...But on the plus side I have never been so thankful to have a lawn with quack grass and pee spots (from the dog...in case you thought otherwise.) In fact, quack grass is so much easier to mow that I'm considering ripping up the sodded backyard and encouraging quack grass growth...either that or perhaps paving it.


So...I'll see....maybe it'll get easier....like the whole, if you shave your hair, it grows back finer thing....(yes, I know that technically thats not true...but let me have my pipe dream.) Plus...technically I'm still using my mower....so there Angela Apple Bottom...perhaps I've found my calling as an Environmental Activist Extrodinaire...then again....I always wanted to be a rockstar...hmmm.