Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

Apparently someone out there has came up with a list of crap that can predict if you are going to cheat...

In no particular order I give you: 

(drum roll please...)


1. If you live in a large city, you're 39 percent more likely to have an affair than those who live in small towns and rural areas.

No shit!  I'll tell all you city folk why...because in a small town this is gossip gold, I should know.  I got my greedy little ears on a hot story about two married folk...screwing around...yeah...thats right.  News travels fast in small towns...and even faster when it involves sex.


2. If you earn $75,000 or more per year, you're over 150 percent more likely to have an affair than those who earn $30,000 per year or less.

Whew....I'm in the clear.  The government sends me $100 a kid per month.  I rake in $2400 a year (for those of you bad I math, I helped you out there.)  Plus all the money I rake in from Adsense, wait a second I don't have adsense, because I don't think I need that extra 12 cents a month.

3. If you think about sex every day, you're 22 percent more likely to have an affair than those who think about sex just a few times a week.


Who are these liars? nuns...nope, Im sure that they think about it more than a few times a week...and they've never even had sex...or have they?

4. If you and your spouse lived together before getting married, there's a 39 percent chance that at least one of you will cheat on the other.

Do people still get married without living together? I mean other than bible thumpers...which ties in to some other reason this guy has listed.  Yeah....how else do you know if they are going to drive you f*&^ing nuts? 


5. If your identical twin has had an affair, you're 200 percent more likely to have an affair yourself than if your twin had not.

And here I am without a twin.  Then how do you tell? 
I'm curious as to where they got their information.  That, and this tidbit of twinsie info isn't nearly as interesting as the whole they can sense when each other are in pain thing.

6. If you're African-American, you're a little more than twice as likely than men of other ethnic backgrounds to have an affair.

I think this is just because men think its fun to say " My baby's mamma is a triflin' ho."  Actually I think that's pretty fun to say too.... look out all you triflin' hos.

7. If you've never attended religious services, you're 250 percent more likely to have extramarital sex than those who attend religious services more than once a week.

Whoa, well praise be to JesusAllahVishnuJehovahYahwehKrishna....I think I've got it covered...you know, just in case they don't consider blogging a religion.


If you'd like to read up on the other gazillion ridiculous risk factors, go ahead, but you'll be wasting your time, I already showed you all the good ones.

Canada ~ Your Questions Answered

Its Canada Day....Woo hoo!

Thats right, its the moment you've all been waiting for....I'm going to go straight to Google and help you guys out with the most searched for questions about Canadians.  And since I am a Canadian...who better to ask? 

So here we go:

Top 5: What do Canadians.....?

The Number one question on everyone's mind...(that is everyone, except us Canadians.)

What do Canadians eat?  Wow...you guys really wanted to know that?!  Well aside from our usual diet of fried beaver, seal blubber, and beer....we eat...well just like you.  Truthfully it depends, since we have a rather diverse population...I'm sure that if you came up with some bizarre diet someone in Canada would eat it....so there you go.  Yes, thats true...I'm sure that if you thought up goats blood and cow intestines, you'd find some group that we let into the country under the premise of being refugees...but I won't get started about that...see I'm sticking to the question at hand...look at me go.  And I like to eat Big Turks (no, not large Turkish people...that would be rude...and probably disgusting.)....apparently Americans don't get these tasty treats down there....well let me tell you, they're delicious...oh and poutine is pretty good too (fries with cheese and gravy.)

What do Canadians wear?  Really!?...what is it...12 year olds questioning the Google gods?  Ok...well once our igloos melt, we don't often wear our parkas (unless we're homeless.)  Yes, we wear winter coats...in the winter...and shorts in the summer, except for my husband, who never wears shorts and always wears atleast one long sleeve shirt, but he's cold blooded...(I'm sure) so yeah..he doesn't count.  Other than that, I'm not sure what you were looking for...."gawd, we'd never were synthetics, spandex, or animal prints"...yeah right...

What do Canadians think of their healthcare?  I think its great...Well I hate waiting for a month and a half to see my doctor...but thats my choice.  I could pick from the others....but I'd rather wait.(See...this is me being polite...I could ramble on about all sorts of professional indiscretions...but where would that get me?  waiting for 3 months probably.)  On the flip side though its free...and yes...I can stay in the hospital for a week...and walk out without a bill.

What do Canadians call Canadian Bacon?  It depends...We call bacon...bacon...and I think that what you refer to as Canadian Bacon, we call back bacon...or ham.  How do I know this....A) I'm a genius  and B)  I worked at Smitty's (a breakfast chain)  for several years.   Yeah...you say "Canadian bacon"...we say...."You must be an American....Can I refill your coffee?"

What do Canadians speak?  Gee thats a tough one.  At first, I thought I spoke Canadianese...but it turns out that its English......and technically French too...we are bilingual (and so am I...although I use the word bilingual loosely...very loosely.)  Unless you go to Hongcouver...where I think that more people speak Chinese.  Or out east...where the Easterners roam...and half the time I can't understand them either.....and if you are one of those easterners: Now luh, da arse is gone right out of er.  What you don't understand?!?!?...me either.  But you can look up newfie talk here if you would like to know....but its something or other about the economy.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

*And just in case you are wondering, I don't eat seal and I don't kill helpless baby seals....you'll have to talk to the newfies aboot that crap.  Oh...and I never say aboot...only newfies do...and me...when I make fun of newfies.