The Dangers of Sleep Deprivation

Everyone knows that the term "sleeping like a baby" is completely bogus....unless of course they mean sleep for a few hours at a time and squawk in between because they are hungry/poopy/or perhaps bored.

So, I am lacking on sleep...but just a little...most days.

This lack of sleep has led me to bumble aimlessly about.  Doing things and saying things that I don't put much thought into.

I listen to music all of the time.  In the vehicle as me and the kidlets ramble around town it is usually on XM 20 on 20 channel.  They are usually full of upbeat songs that the kids like.  Music kids like = quiet kids.  So the other day I hear them singing this:

Really, they only sing the part at 1:50....Yes, I heard them say "Shake that Ass."   Great.  Proud parent moment right there.  So, I quickly had to remedy the situation....

"uh...what did you say?!"
"Shake that ass.."
"Oh...well, just so you know, that's not what they are saying....it's shake that HAT."

First crisis averted...and lesson to me to not listen to that crap channel. (also note to self: make the kids wear hats, so that they can shake them if the song is playing again.)

However, I don't learn lessons the first time apparently.  We were once again listening to the top 20 station and I was a little sleep deprived...

This song started playing that said "Drop that Booty"  (I know, I tried to find it, but you try youtubing booty drop, and drop that booty....see what you get... 'gay poppin' booty droppin' is not what I was looking for...although I must hand it to the gays...they have a very keen sense of rhythm...I do not.)

Anyways, some 'drop that booty' song comes on....I immediately correct it to BOOBY...(wtf was I thinking....as if that made it better?!)  but the damage was done.  I was tired, the baby was hungry...booby seemed like the obvious lyric switch.

oh crap.

I had to think fast.

Thing 1 says...."they said to drop your booby?"

"Um...yeah, like booby trap...it must be a song about mice...like mouse trap. "


And then I switched it to the Disney channel.

I might as well get a damn minivan.

How To Get All The Hot Bitches

OK,
So now that I'm back in action so to speak... (that and my newest munchkin is a fan of naps...so I get to peruse some of my fave blogs once again.)

I wandered over to I didn't do it  ...seriously...if you don't laugh at the whole basic electronics symbols pic, you just don't get my sense of humour...
On his post a week or two back (Oct. 12) he links up to a company that makes wigs for dogs.

(Go to his website to check it out...yes, I'm forcing you over there...plus the picture of a pug in a wig is PRICELESS.)  - I know you want to check it out.

Anyways, it got me to thinking about my own dog.  He's a good looking hound dog/border collie cross.  Although most people ask if he is some sort of giant beagle (I kid you not, in fact he's starting to get embarrassed that people think he's a beagle...or at least I imagine he would be embarrassed if that sort of thing bothered him.)

Once I started pondering what he was thinking, the thoughts were endless.  He is starting to go a little grey...maybe he wants a wig.

I bet he's starting to notice that all the hot bitches (totally allowed to refer to female dogs as bitches...it's politically correct...look it up) are thinking he's too old for them.  So perhaps I should invest in a wig...although I'm not sure if I should go for something natural...or perhaps something a little more "look at me"....

look at the embarrassment...

he flat out refused to look me in the eye.

He actually closed his eyes when I took a picture of him head on....

See:

it's almost like he's saying "God, I hope the hot bitches don't recognize me."

OK...maybe a dog wig isn't such a hot idea.

P.S.  That is my actual dog and the shame is palpable.

My Vacation Is Over...

Some of you may be wondering just pecisely where the hell I've been for the past 10 months.

Well, wonder no more.

I managed to get myself knocked up (spare me the birds and the bees lecture...it was spugnut (pronounced SPUG-NUT) número 3, so I have a pretty good idea exactly how it came about.)

Let me get you up to speed:

I spent my Christmas season trying to be ridiculously sneaky, making elaborate Mocktails, so that no one would suspect there was a baby on board. (I think only one friend actually caught on...the rest were apparently too wasted themselves.)  That phase was quickly followed by 3 months of pajamas and puking. Followed by 2 months of insanely low blood pressure (I'll save the story about fainting in a cage of monkeys in a foreign country for another time...you think I'm kidding...but I'm not.) Top that up with a few months of feeling great and finish it off with a few hours of excruciating pain(guess who didn't have any drugs.  Long story short...I forgot to ask - once again, not kidding.) and then the cutest damn baby you've ever seen.

Yep, that about sums up the last 10 months...

I'm back.

I won't be on a "regular" schedule right away, but you'll be hearing more from me.  

I've Been Hornswabbled

That's right.....and for those of you who are unsure as to what precisely "hornswabbled" is, it's when you get tricked.

A few years back, somehow a package of Moon Sand made it's way into our home.  I thought that Moon Sand was going to be great, but 3 minutes after opening it, I realized that Moon Sand was indeed the work of the devil.

Laugh if you must, but I am not exaggerating.

I despise Moon Sand.  They claimed that it was the new play dough.  That it was going to replace play dough.  It crumbles, it gets everywhere, it is absolutely ridiculous.   I quickly banished Moon Sand from our home...never to think about it again.

Until....this past holiday season.

There was a new product called Moon Dough.  That's right.  It claimed that it was like play dough, only it wouldn't dry out.  "Never dries out, never dries out"  - yes I heard that chanting non-stop.  

So, I caved.  When Viola En Vogue said that she wanted to get the kidlets Moon Dough, I agreed.  I gave her the run down about not accidentally purchasing Moon Sand, since it's Persona non Grata around these parts.

It's official.  Sweden is out to destroy the world with Moon Dough (that's where it's made).  Moon Dough is not the distant cousin of the Devil's own Moon Sand.  Moon Dough was merely the Devil at work renaming Moon Sand so that more unsuspecting homes would allow this repulsive toy into their homes.  If Hitler had a favourite toy...it would be Moon Sand/Dough....that's how horrible this crap is.

That's right, they just renamed it.  (and I was stupid enough to fall for it....damn marketing)

On a more positive note.   If you invite my children to your child's birthday party.  I have four unopened packages of Moon Dough that are going to find a loving home.... (ok...most liking un-loving), but a home that is not mine, nonetheless.)

Last Minute Gift Ideas

Merry Christmas!  I know that it is a bit early.
Chances are that I'll be too busy to spend much time on here though, because I will be busy frantically getting ready for the holidays.

I'm usually on the ball....(really, I'm not kidding), but this year has escaped me.

Between getting sick, and being busy, and getting sick...again...and again, I haven't accomplished my usual tasks.  (Seriously, Elementary School is like a little cesspool of disease I tell you.)  I have yet to plan my feasts for the looming Festivities...and I'm not done shopping.

If you are like me and have left things to the last minute...here are a few never fail gifts that you can pick up anywhere....like say a gas station.

1) Air fresheners....everyone needs one in their vehicle.   Just don't pick the pine scented ones....because that's nasty.  I've always wondered who the hell wants their vehicle to smell like a forest, then I set foot in my husband's lilac scented truck and decided I'd quit judging people for their air freshener picks.  (Seriously lilac....Are you Driving Miss Daisy around?!)

2) Lotto Tickets - People love these.  But, Myself, I'm always a bit leery on buying them for other people.   If I'm not going to see them scratch them, then fine.  But what if they win $1 million.... on the ticket that I bought for them.  You could always sign your name on the back...but that wouldn't really be keeping with the Christmas Spirit thing would it?

3) Candy......Who doesn't like Candy?  But you have to buy quite a bit .... or it'll be noticeable that you're cheap.  ...Although, If you do a really good wrapping job people tend to get distracted.

(note to self....rewrap pretty much every gift under the tree. :(  )

4) A Magazine - OK, so you've ran out of time.  Pick up a magazine.  Wrap it.  (wrap it nice...see #3 again, if you've forgotten why.)  Tear out the subscription card...and actually pay and send it away (this, you might have to do after Christmas).  Then you give them the one mag... and tell them that you've got them a subscription for it.  (See...this is a good idea.)

5) Maps....OK....never mind.  Getting someone a gas station map is a bad idea.

Well, I've given you a few ideas...right?...and if they hate it, don't be afraid to use the whole..."it's the thought that counts" line.

I'll be back around in the New Year.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Apparently it's China's Fault...?

It's that time of year...

No, Not Christmas time.  It's the time when everybody seems to get sick.  All those nasty little sicknesses seem to pop up in December.  

and why is that?  you ask.  

According to Skittles McSunshine, the Western World's illnesses are somehow linked to Asia trying to take over the world.  

Oh just wait....the theory gets better.

He blames all the sicknesses in the months of November to January on these:

source

How can a little Mandarin Orange spread illness you ask?

Well Skittles has a long elaborate theory starting off with the fact that the Chinese government gathers all of their sick people to sneeze into thousands of tiny green wrappers.  Then they take these wrappers and place the orange inside.   Somehow, through osmosis perhaps, they acquire the disease-y germs, so it doesn't matter if you throw out the wrappers or not.  

Does this sound insane to you?  Because Skittles isn't alone in this theory.  I've heard this theory from several people.  

I must say though, I haven't had any oranges this winter and I've still managed to get sick.....so maybe his theory is a little off....or maybe it applies to bananas too....

It's Time For An Intervention

I came to a sad realization yesterday. :(

I hadn't noticed before, but now that I've noticed, there is no turning back.

and I blame Scott.


That's right.  If it wasn't for that fateful day in September of 1982, I would not have this problem. :(


What problem you ask?
(well, in all truth, if you had checked out the Scott link, you would already know.)



I've been going overboard with freaking emoticons.  ;)
Yes, that's right, it looks like the keyboard threw up all over my posts, comments, and statuses....and what's worse...none of you said..."What the hell is with the overuse of emoticons? O_o"

I mean maybe it isn't that bad yet.  I never add noses to my emoticons and I don't use the :P one either.  I think that once you do that, you are a whole new level of ridiculousness...am I right?  D: