Those Frickin' Mosquitoes

Everybody hates mosquitoes....seriously...I don't think that is an over exaggeration. 

So since Deet sucks...really its awful stuff...but it does keep the skeeters away...I decided I would look for a few alternative bug repellent recipes.

The first one that I found required dettol and baby oil  (which reminds me of a shirt that I had made for my baby once....'Stop the slaughter...boycott baby oil.'  Although some people thought it was true...so there you go...further proof that idiots walk amongst us.)  I had absolutely no idea wtf dettol was...so I chucked that recipe rather quick to move onto something that perhaps I could use.

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The next recipe involved tee tree oil and peppermint oil.  Really?  They hate mint?  They probably hate fresh breath too! ....next thing, you'll start telling me that they hate blood. 

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Then I ran across this one....pure vanilla extract.... (yes...just the extract, I was hoping that perhaps it would say that I could eat enough vanilla cupcakes, that the stuff would ooze from my pores...but no such luck...)  Then I got to wondering, exactly who came up with this idea....perhaps its some sort of bug propaganda put out there by some half human half mosquito being...(don't laugh...apparently you don't watch enough movies.)  Maybe they truly love vanilla, but rarely get a chance to indulge so in order to get their fix they've tricked us crazy humans into wearing vanilla as some sort of repellent.  (Which reminds me of the time that I convinced my dad that my mother really wanted the new Madonna CD for her birthday....because secretly I wanted it.  ...and in the end, he bought the CD which I swiped and listened to non-stop... although it was definitely not Madonna's best work...so in the end, I guess I was the loser.)  I too am apparently a slave to 'the man' and will test out this vanilla thing and let you know...If all else fails...at least I'll smell like a sugar cookie...and there are far worse things to smell like....hmmm...maybe I'll save those for another post.

A Summer Activity That Is Only Cool In Movies

As I impatiently wait for the weather to warm up, I'm left daydreaming of hotter times.

Just a quick note for those of you who are experiencing summer-like conditions and may be tempted to try this. You can't always trust what you see in movies to be true.

For years, I longed to have a Jeep. You know, like a real Jeep, (not some fancy shmancy Jeep Cherokee thing-a-ma-jig...the real thing.) It always looked so cool in movies. In the summer time....girls in bikinis standing up in the Jeep as it sped down the highway. ..... You know exactly what I'm talking about. I think that Drew Barrymore did it in that 'Mad Love' movie back in the day with Chris O'Donnell (yeah...back when people thought he was hot.)

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ok....so now you have a visual. Looks pretty cool, doesn't it. Well, back in the day my good friend, Arabella Apple Juice had a Jeep. (Way nicer than that Jeep btw.) So we decide to go to the lake for the day and that we were going to stand up in the Jeep...you know....to be cool...(and don't give me that look....you did plenty'o'dumb things too...I'm sure.) Well let me tell you, 100kmh is not a good speed to stand up in any vehicle, let alone a Jeep.

a) its impossible to keep your eyes open. I had to quickly retreat to put my sunshades on.

b) at that speed its hard to stand up straight, you pretty much get blown backwards....I think I may have bruised my back on the roll bar.

c) I had several bugs hit me in the face.....needless to say, bugs at 100kmh have a little sting to 'em when they hit the skin. (You know that huge splat you hear on the windshield...yeah that was on my face.)

So, long story short....bad idea.

We had to slow right down....and who looks cool on a highway doing 20kmh....no one.

Summer....Fashion Faux-pas Extravaganza

My uncle stopped over the other day and I was reminded of one of my biggest summer pet peeves....socks with sandals. So it got me to thinking (a dangerous past time, I know....and if you realize that I just scooped that line from Disney's Beauty and the Beast, you're cooler than I thought.)

Here are my top summer pet peeves....and ones that happen all too often.


SOCKS WITH SANDALS

....Seriously...either go the sock route or go the sandal route. This is not cool. (and yes, my husband does this....no matter how often I tell him he looks like a fool, he just doesn't care). Really...think about it....its like wearing long johns under your swimsuit. The whole point of sandals is to let your feet breathe....so why stick them in a sock?

Besides....

a) your socks will just get dirty
b) you look like an idiot (hey someone has to tell you!)


THE BANANA HAMMOCK

Yes, I know that supposedly these are all the rage in Europe. Well, here in Canada it tends to get chilly...even when its hot out, it can turn to be chilly within ten minutes and according to the law of shrinkage that you guys claim, these awesome suits will do nothing for showing off the goods. So stick to some board shorts....trust me...it will be to your advantage. That and did you ever notice that the guys wearing banana hammocks are never the ones that you want to?

(eww....and gold...I mean really...could he be any flashier?)

TUBE TOPS

Take a toque, then cut the top off and shimmy it over your boobs....there you go...you have a tube top. See how ridiculous that sounds....guess what...it looks just as ridiculous. Plus...last I checked its not 1985....(yes, I know that some of you wish it was 1985...but sorry about your luck...Def Leppard will never top the charts again...although if you need a back up singer for "Pour some Sugar on Me," I'm your girl.)


BRA STRAPS WITH SPAGHETTI STRAPS

I thought that this was sort of common knowledge, but apparently not. Plus, when this happens it isn't some cute little black strap that is showing. Its always some trashy pilled up dinge-y whitish bra strap showing. Either

a)don't wear a bra....(...only if you have tiny boobs and you can pull this off....otherwise, this could start a whole new round of pet peeves.)
b)wear a shirt with wider straps to cover the not-so sexy bra
c) buy a cute bra strappy- bra for the special occasions when you are planning on wearing a spaghetti strap outfit.

Nothing yells Gutter Sl*t like a trashy old bra showing under your spaghetti straps....hey, I'm just saying.

I know that these tips sound like common sense, but I'm sure that I've just helped thousands of people back from the brink of hideous summer attire....that is if thousands of you read it.