Monday, October 31, 2011

The Dangers of Sleep Deprivation

Everyone knows that the term "sleeping like a baby" is completely bogus....unless of course they mean sleep for a few hours at a time and squawk in between because they are hungry/poopy/or perhaps bored.

So, I am lacking on sleep...but just a little...most days.

This lack of sleep has led me to bumble aimlessly about.  Doing things and saying things that I don't put much thought into.

I listen to music all of the time.  In the vehicle as me and the kidlets ramble around town it is usually on XM 20 on 20 channel.  They are usually full of upbeat songs that the kids like.  Music kids like = quiet kids.  So the other day I hear them singing this:

Really, they only sing the part at 1:50....Yes, I heard them say "Shake that Ass."   Great.  Proud parent moment right there.  So, I quickly had to remedy the situation....

"uh...what did you say?!"
"Shake that ass.."
"Oh...well, just so you know, that's not what they are's shake that HAT."

First crisis averted...and lesson to me to not listen to that crap channel. (also note to self: make the kids wear hats, so that they can shake them if the song is playing again.)

However, I don't learn lessons the first time apparently.  We were once again listening to the top 20 station and I was a little sleep deprived...

This song started playing that said "Drop that Booty"  (I know, I tried to find it, but you try youtubing booty drop, and drop that booty....see what you get... 'gay poppin' booty droppin' is not what I was looking for...although I must hand it to the gays...they have a very keen sense of rhythm...I do not.)

Anyways, some 'drop that booty' song comes on....I immediately correct it to BOOBY...(wtf was I if that made it better?!)  but the damage was done.  I was tired, the baby was hungry...booby seemed like the obvious lyric switch.

oh crap.

I had to think fast.

Thing 1 says...."they said to drop your booby?"

"Um...yeah, like booby must be a song about mouse trap. "

And then I switched it to the Disney channel.

I might as well get a damn minivan.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

How To Get All The Hot Bitches

So now that I'm back in action so to speak... (that and my newest munchkin is a fan of I get to peruse some of my fave blogs once again.)

I wandered over to I didn't do it  ...seriously...if you don't laugh at the whole basic electronics symbols pic, you just don't get my sense of humour...
On his post a week or two back (Oct. 12) he links up to a company that makes wigs for dogs.

(Go to his website to check it out...yes, I'm forcing you over the picture of a pug in a wig is PRICELESS.)  - I know you want to check it out.

Anyways, it got me to thinking about my own dog.  He's a good looking hound dog/border collie cross.  Although most people ask if he is some sort of giant beagle (I kid you not, in fact he's starting to get embarrassed that people think he's a beagle...or at least I imagine he would be embarrassed if that sort of thing bothered him.)

Once I started pondering what he was thinking, the thoughts were endless.  He is starting to go a little grey...maybe he wants a wig.

I bet he's starting to notice that all the hot bitches (totally allowed to refer to female dogs as's politically correct...look it up) are thinking he's too old for them.  So perhaps I should invest in a wig...although I'm not sure if I should go for something natural...or perhaps something a little more "look at me"....

look at the embarrassment...
he flat out refused to look me in the eye.

He actually closed his eyes when I took a picture of him head on....


it's almost like he's saying "God, I hope the hot bitches don't recognize me."

OK...maybe a dog wig isn't such a hot idea.

P.S.  That is my actual dog and the shame is palpable.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My Vacation Is Over...

Some of you may be wondering just pecisely where the hell I've been for the past 10 months.

Well, wonder no more.

I managed to get myself knocked up (spare me the birds and the bees was spugnut (pronounced SPUG-NUT) nĂºmero 3, so I have a pretty good idea exactly how it came about.)

Let me get you up to speed:

I spent my Christmas season trying to be ridiculously sneaky, making elaborate Mocktails, so that no one would suspect there was a baby on board. (I think only one friend actually caught on...the rest were apparently too wasted themselves.)  That phase was quickly followed by 3 months of pajamas and puking. Followed by 2 months of insanely low blood pressure (I'll save the story about fainting in a cage of monkeys in a foreign country for another think I'm kidding...but I'm not.) Top that up with a few months of feeling great and finish it off with a few hours of excruciating pain(guess who didn't have any drugs.  Long story short...I forgot to ask - once again, not kidding.) and then the cutest damn baby you've ever seen.

Yep, that about sums up the last 10 months...

I'm back.
I won't be on a "regular" schedule right away, but you'll be hearing more from me.