Some of you may be wondering just pecisely where the hell I've been for the past 10 months.
Well, wonder no more.
I managed to get myself knocked up (spare me the birds and the bees lecture...it was spugnut (pronounced SPUG-NUT) nĂºmero 3, so I have a pretty good idea exactly how it came about.)
Let me get you up to speed:
I spent my Christmas season trying to be ridiculously sneaky, making elaborate Mocktails, so that no one would suspect there was a baby on board. (I think only one friend actually caught on...the rest were apparently too wasted themselves.) That phase was quickly followed by 3 months of pajamas and puking. Followed by 2 months of insanely low blood pressure (I'll save the story about fainting in a cage of monkeys in a foreign country for another time...you think I'm kidding...but I'm not.) Top that up with a few months of feeling great and finish it off with a few hours of excruciating pain(guess who didn't have any drugs. Long story short...I forgot to ask - once again, not kidding.) and then the cutest damn baby you've ever seen.
Yep, that about sums up the last 10 months...
I'm back.
I won't be on a "regular" schedule right away, but you'll be hearing more from me.
Holy fuck monkeys, you're still alive! And have a baby! Next thing you'll be telling me that while you were away you also went to Mars and cured AIDs.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you're back, pretty lady.
Welcome back!
ReplyDeleteNice..
ReplyDelete