Apparently I'm Not Done Picking On Dogs Yet....and The Potential Proof of Evolution Through Lady Parts.

Yes.
I like making ridiculously long titles, just so you are forced to come over here to read the rest of it.
(Also, I thought putting Uterus in the title was tacky....who am I kidding?!)

Last night, I just happened to be hanging with the baby at 2:30 a.m., when I heard this creepy noise at the door. It was freaky. I had just let the dog out (yes, he's still giving me the silent treatment)...so that left one of two options

A) A serial killer had killed my dog and was now toying with me in hopes that I would walk outside, directly into his trap.

B) It was the dog.

Since I've seen my share of scary movies, I decided to go out the front door to investigate the goings on at the other door.

Guess what...

It was the f*#%ing dog! Digging through the garbage....because of course, I have nothing better to do than to pick that crap up during daylight hours. I had kinda thought he was still pissed off about the whole wig thing (which I'm still laughing about), but this seals it. He's apparently still beyond pissy.

He's been warned about this behaviour...yet it continues.

I've Informed him that if he keeps this 'tude up, I'll have no choice but to recreate this photo that I scooped off of Pinterest with him as the main subject.

source

 He didn't look impressed, so I'm hoping that I got my point across. Don't dig in the freaking garbage!!!

(secretly I'm hoping that he keeps the attitude up - that picture is hilarious...but don't tell him that.)

Also, in other baby related news, the Duggar's are expecting their 20th baby. Shhh...listen carefully, you can hear her uterus weeping from here.   Never mind, that's my uterus giving hers sympathy cries. Seriously though, my uterus would have fled the scene about 15 babies back. If ever there were an argument for evolution, this is it. Just wait, a few more babies and that uterus is gonna grow itself some feet and a heartbeat and run away as fast as it can.

A Lesson on Little Ones

I spent the majority of my day holding a baby. :)

Mmmm....babies are so sweet, and small, and cuddly...it almost makes me want to have another one. However, this is Angela Apple Bottom's first baby, so I thought I'd give her a few pointers....(once again, I'm helpful like that.)

People always say, "Babies do 3 things, eat, sleep, and poop."..... I'm going to let you in on a little secret, they also cry.....and that will happen:

a) when you've just went to sleep
b) in the middle of the night
and/or
c) as soon as you are on the phone (by the way...it never stops...the phone ringing is like an imaginary switch that will cause every age of child to all of the sudden make a racket.)

Another common saying is "Sleeping like a baby"....just so you know, that means up every 2-4 hours crying, needing a new diaper, and fed...oh, then don't forget to burp him. I now use the saying "sleeping like a rock...."

But don't get me wrong, babies are wonderful little blessings....(don't worry, I'm not going to get all sappy on you....ok...maybe just a bit.)

It allowed me to catch up on absolutely every episode of Dawson's Creek in reruns. (It was on Monday to Friday at 5:00am....I actually started to loathe Saturdays and Sundays, because then what the hell was I going to watch. Seriously...Joey does not need Tom Cruise....she needs to go find Dawson, her true love.)

It also gives you a new appreciation for those snotty nosed kids. You know before you have a kid and you see someone out with their kids and they've got snotty noses...and you say to yourself "Frig...can't that woman see that she needs to wipe her child's nose....lazy ass!" Then one day, you'll be standing in the hardware store picking up paint to paint the next baby's room and you'll realize that your child is the one lookin' like a hobo.


There are another 1543 lessons to be learnt (probably a conservative estimate), but I'll let you learn a few for yourself.....like all the bells, whistles, and buttons involved in a car seat!