I've Been Hornswabbled

That's right.....and for those of you who are unsure as to what precisely "hornswabbled" is, it's when you get tricked.

A few years back, somehow a package of Moon Sand made it's way into our home.  I thought that Moon Sand was going to be great, but 3 minutes after opening it, I realized that Moon Sand was indeed the work of the devil.

Laugh if you must, but I am not exaggerating.

I despise Moon Sand.  They claimed that it was the new play dough.  That it was going to replace play dough.  It crumbles, it gets everywhere, it is absolutely ridiculous.   I quickly banished Moon Sand from our home...never to think about it again.

Until....this past holiday season.

There was a new product called Moon Dough.  That's right.  It claimed that it was like play dough, only it wouldn't dry out.  "Never dries out, never dries out"  - yes I heard that chanting non-stop.  

So, I caved.  When Viola En Vogue said that she wanted to get the kidlets Moon Dough, I agreed.  I gave her the run down about not accidentally purchasing Moon Sand, since it's Persona non Grata around these parts.

It's official.  Sweden is out to destroy the world with Moon Dough (that's where it's made).  Moon Dough is not the distant cousin of the Devil's own Moon Sand.  Moon Dough was merely the Devil at work renaming Moon Sand so that more unsuspecting homes would allow this repulsive toy into their homes.  If Hitler had a favourite toy...it would be Moon Sand/Dough....that's how horrible this crap is.

That's right, they just renamed it.  (and I was stupid enough to fall for it....damn marketing)

On a more positive note.   If you invite my children to your child's birthday party.  I have four unopened packages of Moon Dough that are going to find a loving home.... (ok...most liking un-loving), but a home that is not mine, nonetheless.)

Last Minute Gift Ideas

Merry Christmas!  I know that it is a bit early.
Chances are that I'll be too busy to spend much time on here though, because I will be busy frantically getting ready for the holidays.

I'm usually on the ball....(really, I'm not kidding), but this year has escaped me.

Between getting sick, and being busy, and getting sick...again...and again, I haven't accomplished my usual tasks.  (Seriously, Elementary School is like a little cesspool of disease I tell you.)  I have yet to plan my feasts for the looming Festivities...and I'm not done shopping.

If you are like me and have left things to the last minute...here are a few never fail gifts that you can pick up anywhere....like say a gas station.

1) Air fresheners....everyone needs one in their vehicle.   Just don't pick the pine scented ones....because that's nasty.  I've always wondered who the hell wants their vehicle to smell like a forest, then I set foot in my husband's lilac scented truck and decided I'd quit judging people for their air freshener picks.  (Seriously lilac....Are you Driving Miss Daisy around?!)

2) Lotto Tickets - People love these.  But, Myself, I'm always a bit leery on buying them for other people.   If I'm not going to see them scratch them, then fine.  But what if they win $1 million.... on the ticket that I bought for them.  You could always sign your name on the back...but that wouldn't really be keeping with the Christmas Spirit thing would it?

3) Candy......Who doesn't like Candy?  But you have to buy quite a bit .... or it'll be noticeable that you're cheap.  ...Although, If you do a really good wrapping job people tend to get distracted.

(note to self....rewrap pretty much every gift under the tree. :(  )

4) A Magazine - OK, so you've ran out of time.  Pick up a magazine.  Wrap it.  (wrap it nice...see #3 again, if you've forgotten why.)  Tear out the subscription card...and actually pay and send it away (this, you might have to do after Christmas).  Then you give them the one mag... and tell them that you've got them a subscription for it.  (See...this is a good idea.)

5) Maps....OK....never mind.  Getting someone a gas station map is a bad idea.

Well, I've given you a few ideas...right?...and if they hate it, don't be afraid to use the whole..."it's the thought that counts" line.

I'll be back around in the New Year.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Apparently it's China's Fault...?

It's that time of year...

No, Not Christmas time.  It's the time when everybody seems to get sick.  All those nasty little sicknesses seem to pop up in December.  

and why is that?  you ask.  

According to Skittles McSunshine, the Western World's illnesses are somehow linked to Asia trying to take over the world.  

Oh just wait....the theory gets better.

He blames all the sicknesses in the months of November to January on these:

source

How can a little Mandarin Orange spread illness you ask?

Well Skittles has a long elaborate theory starting off with the fact that the Chinese government gathers all of their sick people to sneeze into thousands of tiny green wrappers.  Then they take these wrappers and place the orange inside.   Somehow, through osmosis perhaps, they acquire the disease-y germs, so it doesn't matter if you throw out the wrappers or not.  

Does this sound insane to you?  Because Skittles isn't alone in this theory.  I've heard this theory from several people.  

I must say though, I haven't had any oranges this winter and I've still managed to get sick.....so maybe his theory is a little off....or maybe it applies to bananas too....

It's Time For An Intervention

I came to a sad realization yesterday. :(

I hadn't noticed before, but now that I've noticed, there is no turning back.

and I blame Scott.


That's right.  If it wasn't for that fateful day in September of 1982, I would not have this problem. :(


What problem you ask?
(well, in all truth, if you had checked out the Scott link, you would already know.)



I've been going overboard with freaking emoticons.  ;)
Yes, that's right, it looks like the keyboard threw up all over my posts, comments, and statuses....and what's worse...none of you said..."What the hell is with the overuse of emoticons? O_o"

I mean maybe it isn't that bad yet.  I never add noses to my emoticons and I don't use the :P one either.  I think that once you do that, you are a whole new level of ridiculousness...am I right?  D:

Kemo Treats: THE VIDEO

 I've been waiting patiently for this top secret video that Kemo Treats had been promising.  I couldn't make it to the unveiling (which I was actually invited to...that's right...special invite.)

so here it is:


Well I must say...
firstly I was a little disappointed that it wasn't a vid for Ice Cream Man....because that is my fave.  But I enjoyed it nonetheless.

I had a slight rebellious phase as a teenager where I listened to rap and I watched rap videos, so I think that makes me qualified to critique this. I listened to all the masters, ICP, Wu-Tang Clan.... (OK...so I didn't listen to WTC, but Ol' Dirty Bastard did a remix with Mariah Carey...I'm sure that counts.....right?)

Anyways, Kemo Treats' The Program has exactly what every good legit gangsta video has.

1) It has two foolishly/stylishly (depending on your view) dressed "gangstas"

2) It has the eye candy.  She's pretty.  But just so you know guys....real gangsta vid's feature even more scantily clad women.  ... next time, throw her in a bubble bath...

3) It has some fly wheels....I mean....it's a Toyota....it doesn't get much more real "gangsta" than that! (well, at least not in Edmonton)

4) It has a bit of auto tune....not enough.  You MUST have an auto tune interlude every 47 seconds.

5) It's got the GOWLD as they like to call it.  They're rocking their chains...shirtless of course, and well...one of 'em has a hairy chest....hey, 1977 called.

6) They throw swear words around.  It is common knowledge that you absolutely cannot have a legit gangsta vid without dropping MoFo.

7) It had the whole levels thing going on.  Watch any rap video and you'll know what I'm talking about. You've gotta be in the face of the camera...then back it up.  Drop down low....slide back.



and Kemo Treats....if this doesn't work out ...you gangstas can always call up P!nk.


*and seriously...you aren't counting ODB remix with Mariah as rap....ugh.

Motivation-less

Ugh...

I'm in the midst of writers block.  I use that term loosely...since I'm not really a writer.  I could say blogger's block, but then everyone would be wondering if I went crazy googling symptoms for something again.

I'm not sure if it's the fact that I still have the majority of my Christmas shopping left, the fact that I have my Christmas present to myself right next to me, and it keeps distracting me (it's a new computer...but I haven't turned it on yet).  And I know what you're thinking....No, I couldn't leave it in the box.  It was cold when the delivery guy brought it, so it needed to get it out in the warm air so that it didn't permanently hurt it. And besides it's pretty to look at.  I thought that maybe it would motivate me to write genius-ly funny things....but it hasn't turned out that way yet.  Or maybe my lack of motivation has nothing to do with the computer...and really it's this hour old coffee that I'm slowly drinking...even though it's cold and I'm too lazy to go upstairs to get a new one.

I thought that maybe today would be the day when I'd get a million ideas at once.  But nope...I did have one idea...but then I forgot what it was.  I really need to get a notepad next to my bed, for when I'm dreaming and a brilliant topic comes to me.  So....I haven't abandoned you....I'll be back. 


great now that I've ended with that line I feel like the Terminator...

or my band teacher from school...he always wore this shirt:(well not this one exactly...but pretty close)

you can buy your own here.

and just so you know...I drank the entire cup of cold coffee while writing this....that's how unmotivated I am today.

(Laser) Beam Me Up

My kidlet recently got her school photos taken.

I finally got the pictures back.  I thought they looked pretty damn good.

That is, until Viola said..."What the hell, you horrid mom you. How could you not let her get the lasers?"

"There weren't any lasers to pick from"

It's true, there weren't any lasers to pick from.  Instead there were some other equally awful ones...which I'm sure will be remembered as awesome in 20 years.

I can still remember being 8 or 9 and begging for the laser beam background.  My mom always said no, she said that for the extra $4 it was ridiculous.  So,  I never got them.... I always did the whole 'well, when I have my own kids, I'll let them get the laser beams, and I'll let them eat all their Halloween candy in one day too' spiel.

Now I have my own kids.  and I've realized that I am my mother. 

She asked for this background....

 source

and I just couldn't do it.  The thought of those skyscrapers leaning in over her head made my skin crawl.  I thought I was being generous, letting her get one that was supposedly a meadow, because I really wanted the grey or blue background.

But now I think maybe, just maybe, I should have let her get the skyscrapers.  I mean...the skyscrapers of today are probably the laser beams of yesteryear.

you can check out this sexy beast here.

All this guy is missing is a Plenty of Fish profile.

and if you live in Maryland...you're in luck.  They still have the laser beam background available!

http://schoolpix.com/fall.html

so...did you get the laser beams?