Sunday, July 11, 2010

Abstinence is Awesome

So the other night I was in line at Wal-Mart.  Yeah, its true, I shop there.  Truthfully there aren't alot of options on a Saturday night for buying much of anything.  In this town at 8:30 pm on Saturday, its either a gas station or Wal-Mart.  (yes, I know that the 4 of you from town here are also going to let me know of the other 5 stores that may or may not be open on Saturday's here, but roll with me, I'm cheap and Wal-mart is closest to my house...and yes, that means the difference between a 3 minute trip and a 4 minute trip.)

Anyways, I had put my items on the little conveyor belt thing-a-ma-jig and then wandered over to the place with the gum to pick out some gum.  I'm like that, the store wasn't busy so its not like I was holding up the line.  I grabbed the gun (haha...I wish, I mean gum) and turned around to a larger lady who said "I'm just going to cut in front of you, K."   Well, at this point all my other crap (basically chips, dip, and juice boxes,) had already been rung through, so I said, "Sorry, I'm half way through" and tossed the gum on the conveyor belt-ma-jig.  She gave me a snarly look.

That's when I looked at her and saw her wearing this gem...

If you want to order your very own click here.

Well from this point on really, the jokes write themselves.  I wish I had my camera, but I didn't so I had to google the saying to find the t-shirt. 

I get it, you know, the whole "abstinence is awesome" thing.  I think we should hand these puppy's out at schools everywhere.  Because truthfully, teenagers have the capacity to make stupid decisions.  I should know, I once was one. (Yes, I know that so do grown adults....I'd give examples, but I was threatened with inches of my life to not add his name on here.)

It got me to thinking, why in the hell would a somewhere under 39ish (yet over 33ish) woman wear that shirt?
Here are my possible answers...

a)  Just letting all those sessy men who are knocking down her door that she ain't opening up the candy shop anytime soon. (yeah, I highly doubt that one.)

b) She's wearing it to promote sex amongst the teenage population (What?? Don't get it?  Well if she is what abstinence looks like, I'll take the opposite.)

c) Trying to be which case, she should parade around with 14 kids, now that would be funny.

By the way...I think that her purchase adds to the humour of the story:

yeah, its a hand held vibrator massager.

Anyways, long story short, I hate when people be throwing me snarly looks. 
(yes, that statement was channeling my inner pirate.) Arrgh

Have your own possible answers for why?  Let me know.


  1. I'll be nice and say she could be illiterate and thought it was a bitchin' design that was slimming?

  2. Shockingly, it was not slimming. But, I could possibly believe the illiterate thing.

  3. That's not really what she bought, is it? C'mon, you got to be making that up for comic effect.

  4. Perhaps she's a hipster and is trying to be ironic. Or maybe she was blind.

  5. lol that was a great post, it would have been even funnier if she was purchasing some KY too, lol

  6. Legacy - Quite seriously...she actually bought a mini massager, very similar to the one in the picture! (in fact, that was all she bought, hence her need to rush through the check out till.)

    Allegra - I wouldn't have ruled out being blind, but she did get behind the wheel of a minivan.

    Kat - thanks!

  7. Did you check the site to see if her picture made it? I wrote about my experience at Walmart recently at

    No wonder I'm a's frightening to go out and see people!

  8. I died laughing at b)!

    The things you see at Walmart.

  9. If they want Abstinence to really work, they would make ALL teenagers wear that shirt. That would make them all dorks and therefore unfuckable.

    At least in my perfect world - right?

  10. Nana - She's not on! I was hoping to find her, but then again, not surprising, small town, 8:30 pm....there were only about 15 other people in the store...and apparently none with a camera.

    Nicole - well then see, maybe her plan is working! thanks.

    Amber - Yes, that shirt screams unfuckable...yet, if they all wore the shirt it might be too much and they'd become desensitized to the message. But we can hope.

  11. Maybe she was a sales rep for the mini massager company?

  12. LOL @ Kate.

    Now that would be brilliant.

  13. Cool post.

    Maybe she is abstaining from something else, alcohol, drugs? Using the massager to keep her mind off the demon drink?

  14. I'll go with B. I like that one best somehow.

  15. These shirts are for real. They mean what they say. Here is the facebook group:!/group.php?gid=9110941487

    And i think the shirt is cool