Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

Apparently someone out there has came up with a list of crap that can predict if you are going to cheat...

In no particular order I give you: 

(drum roll please...)

1. If you live in a large city, you're 39 percent more likely to have an affair than those who live in small towns and rural areas.

No shit!  I'll tell all you city folk why...because in a small town this is gossip gold, I should know.  I got my greedy little ears on a hot story about two married folk...screwing around...yeah...thats right.  News travels fast in small towns...and even faster when it involves sex.

2. If you earn $75,000 or more per year, you're over 150 percent more likely to have an affair than those who earn $30,000 per year or less.

Whew....I'm in the clear.  The government sends me $100 a kid per month.  I rake in $2400 a year (for those of you bad I math, I helped you out there.)  Plus all the money I rake in from Adsense, wait a second I don't have adsense, because I don't think I need that extra 12 cents a month.

3. If you think about sex every day, you're 22 percent more likely to have an affair than those who think about sex just a few times a week.

Who are these liars? nuns...nope, Im sure that they think about it more than a few times a week...and they've never even had sex...or have they?

4. If you and your spouse lived together before getting married, there's a 39 percent chance that at least one of you will cheat on the other.

Do people still get married without living together? I mean other than bible thumpers...which ties in to some other reason this guy has listed.  Yeah....how else do you know if they are going to drive you f*&^ing nuts? 

5. If your identical twin has had an affair, you're 200 percent more likely to have an affair yourself than if your twin had not.

And here I am without a twin.  Then how do you tell? 
I'm curious as to where they got their information.  That, and this tidbit of twinsie info isn't nearly as interesting as the whole they can sense when each other are in pain thing.

6. If you're African-American, you're a little more than twice as likely than men of other ethnic backgrounds to have an affair.

I think this is just because men think its fun to say " My baby's mamma is a triflin' ho."  Actually I think that's pretty fun to say too.... look out all you triflin' hos.

7. If you've never attended religious services, you're 250 percent more likely to have extramarital sex than those who attend religious services more than once a week.

Whoa, well praise be to JesusAllahVishnuJehovahYahwehKrishna....I think I've got it covered...you know, just in case they don't consider blogging a religion.

If you'd like to read up on the other gazillion ridiculous risk factors, go ahead, but you'll be wasting your time, I already showed you all the good ones.


  1. Well I'm totally fucked according to those risk factors. The ones that are not applicable to me are #2, 5 & 6.

    I kinda laugh at #5....just wondering if that applies to Caucasian African Americans as well? I'll have to tell my buddy who's from South Africa but now living in North America, that's he's a damn filthy cheater.

  2. Wonder if African-Scottish are more likely.

    I want to know what it does if you are an african american twin whos twin has had an affair and who lived with their partner before marriage but goes to religious service every day. Go on percentage that!

    Here is my risk factor - Alive then there is always a possibility of having an affair. Even if you think it will never happen everyone has some point that will push them over that line.

  3. " My baby's mamma is a triflin' ho." lol @ that!!

  4. How about: If you are bumping uglies with someone who isn't your partner then you are 100% more likely to have an affair....or are currently having an affair....

  5. CKrets...yeah...The list is ridiculous when you read the whole thing...basically it includes everyone.

    Mrs. Midnite...exactly what I was wondering! I'm gonna guess 52%

    Jessica....I think that might be my new tag line...yo you trifin' ho, I mean, yes, I would like fries with that.

    That Girl...nice stats...sounds surprisingly accurate.