Monday, October 4, 2010

Telemarketing Troubles

As many of you know, I don't get out much.

Because of this, I often become slightly obsessive about completely nonsensical shit.  Take for example...a few years back when we moved into our new place, I insisted that a neighbour was somehow selling drugs from his rain barrel.  I just couldn't figure it out.  I watched for hours on end as numerous people came over looked into the rain barrel, stuck their arm in and then discreetly wiped it off and left. 

Being a complete chicken shit, I did nothing, but tell Viola en Vouge and Stella Shutthefuckup about it.  They decided to consume mass quantities of alcohol and check it out on my behalf, since I was home with a new baby.  So, after their drunken rain barrel raid....guess what....he had a damn fish in that thing.  A  Who puts a fish in their rain barrel?  Oh well, I got to the bottom of it anyways.  And needless to say, ....OK....never mind, I didn't learn my lesson.

Recently I have become completely obsessed with telemarketers.  Yes, it's true.  The same company phones me everyday, Monday to Friday.  It's Bell mobility or something like that.  Truthfully, I'm not 100% sure, because the call never lasts that long.  A few weeks ago, I was in a pissy mood and answered this telemarketer, who was obviously not an English as a first language person. 

She insisted that her name was Susan.  Yep, she flat out insisted.  I insisted otherwise....

"Hello, my name izzz Suzan, I am calling from Bell mobeelity"

"Oh, Hi, Susan...if that is your name." I reply

"What you mean....'Iiiiif that izzz my name, I tell you my name izzz Suzan."

'Oh...what's your last name 'Susan'?"

"Iiiiit iz Smeeth, uh....Smyth"

"You mean  Smith, because you're saying your own name wrong.....That's the most generic name I've ever heard, I don't think that's your name."

yep...she hung up on me!

It's getting bad....I've started racing to the phone....just to get the damn telemarketing call.  You see, now I must prove to myself that they are using fake names.  But no, it's not enough just to know it, I must have one of them admit it. 

So far, I've gotten an awful lot of hang ups.  And I absolutely HATE being hung up on.

This morning, though, my quest has ended...with Sam.  Yep, This morning Sam called.  Sam Smith.

I told him that there was no way in hell his name was Sam Smith.  He reluctantly agreed.  But once he agreed, the damn guy was a chatterbox.  He said that he had to go with Smith because there was no way in hell that I could pronounce his real last name, Kanloodi...or Kamloopi....or Kavlooki...who am I kidding, I have no idea how to say it.  It almost made me want to buy the rip off of a phone that he had no desire to make me buy after I had blown his cover. 

So now that I've solved this mystery, I guess I'll have to find a new one to solve.


  1. HAHAH
    I used to do that evil job at one point when I was on Vancouver Island.(Before EVERYTHING was outsourced to different countries.)
    A little piece of what was left of my soul withered away and died.

  2. I do have to say I admire your persistence in determining the name situation of telemarketers. ;)

  3. See, I now like the last telemarketer: Sam Vanloopi...or whatever. How can you not love a telemarketer who tries to commiserate?
    As for the fish in the barrel...well, he should have had a sign at least that said, "It's a easy as shooting fish in a barrel!" Then you wouldn't have been so confused!

  4. That made my day. :D I just have this image of you running to the phone in hopes of catching someone using a fake name. Funny stuff :D

  5. haha, now adays they'll tell you who they really are. The jig is up, and to be honest if you want IT support, wouldn't you prefer an Indian with a Masters in IT tending your every whim that sounds mostly like 'my mouse is stuck'/