Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm A Poser With A Lawn Mower

I can almost hear Angela Apple Bottom insisting "that's what you get for being a poser." Since she does remind me of this every time I decide that I am going to reinvent myself. She said it when I went out and got workout gear and some brand new cute Nike's, and decided that I was a runner....oh and I needed an Ipod shuffle. When she asked why one of my other Ipod's wouldn't do, I insisted that they were too big, and that if I was really going to be a runner that I would need to have a shuffle. Because everyone knows that a good runner has a shuffle and if they don't, I bet they wish they did. Angela laughed out loud and told me she'd see, but that she was willing to bet that this running thing wasn't long lived. She was right, which brings me to my newest reinvention: Environmental Activist....or at least Lover of the Environment.For several years now, I have been whining to my husband that I think we need an old-fashioned lawn mower. I told him that in my opinion they are way better for the environment and they have the added bonus of being quieter. He did not share this opinion with me. In fact, in order to show me just how much he disagreed, he bought some big ugly yellow monstrosity, which I think is the biggest frickin' lawn mower you can get without it being self-propelled.

So recently, he caved. He told me that if I really thought it was such a hot idea, we'd get one, but that I'd have to mow the lawn (and that we were keeping the big ugly one for when he has to inevitably mow the lawn, because I quickly lose ambition on these sorts of outdoor tasks.)

At the time, this seemed like a great freakin' idea (I'm full of 'em) so I was a little smug, thinkin' that we should've done this years ago. And just imagine all the gas that we could have saved, had we started years ago.

Then he kindly mowed the lawn with his lawnmower so that I didn't have to hack down the amazon jungle that was our front yard with my new one. He then gathered a small audience to watch me mow the lawn.(Yes, right after he mowed it....and technically the audience was one friend, but it sounds more dramatic with several just imagine.)

Well...whose smart idea was this ridiculous lawn mower? (Right, it was mine....unfortunately)

I am a fruit loop. Seriously....I was sweating...and FYI, I have a self- proclaimed allergy to sweat...which could've been a factor in my failure to be a runner. Aside from the few cackles and "I've never even seen one of those in person." wasn't horribly embarrassing...but it was beyond difficult.(Yes, for dramatic effect, I included a sweaty shot of 2 of the Jo Bros. in hopes of you being so turned off that their popularity plummets and I don't have to listen to them ever again, including from my 4 year old.)

This isn't just a is torture....but I keep pepping myself up with my little talk about being environmentally friendly...we'll see how long it lasts.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I will have to mow the lawn every other day...otherwise it will be unmanageable...But on the plus side I have never been so thankful to have a lawn with quack grass and pee spots (from the case you thought otherwise.) In fact, quack grass is so much easier to mow that I'm considering ripping up the sodded backyard and encouraging quack grass growth...either that or perhaps paving it.

So...I'll see....maybe it'll get the whole, if you shave your hair, it grows back finer thing....(yes, I know that technically thats not true...but let me have my pipe dream.) Plus...technically I'm still using my there Angela Apple Bottom...perhaps I've found my calling as an Environmental Activist Extrodinaire...then again....I always wanted to be a rockstar...hmmm.


  1. Okay, I have to say that was quite funny and well written.

    You gained a follower with that little ditty.

  2. Angela Apple BottomMay 29, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    I am so glad that you are a "fruit loop"...who else would I laugh at and give a much needed dose of reality too. You crack me up!!!!