Monday, June 14, 2010

Australia.....Things to Consider

So Butter Ripple Liquorlips is considering a change of pace. She's thinking that perhaps she should take some time to travel and perhaps work in Australia. I've decided to inform her of a few things she might not have thought about.


Sure, everyone knows about their beautiful beaches, the surfing, and the Uggs...(not everyone considers that a pro....but I do....yes go ahead and judge me by my poor choice in footwear...hey at least they aren't Crocs.) Also, for those of you who haven't visited my blog for a while and are unaware of my borderline unhealthy Silverchair fascination, they hail from down under as well. And don't forget, you can see Kangaroos and Koalas and a bunch of other animals that you will only see here in a zoo. Everyone knows all these great things about Australia, but here are some things you should consider:

1) They have spiders as big as your head....I heard that once and I choose to believe it.

2) Contrary to popular belief a Tasmanian Devil will not be outsmarted if you pretend to be a rabbit.

3) They 'dispose' reindeers...yep...Santa usually uses Reindeer...but not there...he uses kangaroos(hence the six white boomers song) what happened to the reindeer????? (yeah....just what I thought)

4) They always say....Bob's your Uncle....well really, If he's everyone's uncle, isn't that just a bit creepy.........?!?!?!?!

5) Whats with saying "Fair Dinkum" ???...I find it highly inappropriate to comment on the size of a gentleman's package. (Unless it means something which case...I'm perplexed.)

6)You must wear earplugs or the didgeridoo will hypnotize you and you will think Vegemite tastes good.

7)You should avoid anywhere that there may be crocodiles.....Crocodile Dundee is too old to save you.

8)You can never have children if you live there.....Dingos eat them.

9) I am starting to question their sanity....a GROWN Australian man got himself some vanity plates that say "BIEBER" know as in Justin Bieber....the 16 year old singer/boy every 13 year old is swooning over....and apparently this 34 year old also thinks he's pretty cool.

So there you have it....a few Australian tidbits that you may not have thought about...

by the way....I googled fair dinkum....not as sketchy as I thought.


  1. *** Best Seinfeld quote ever***

    "The dingo ate your baby." ~ Elaine Benes.

    Oh, and that 34 dude is a douche.

  2. They sell crocodile pies too and the bottles of beer have questions about sports and sex. And there is no culture... I'm also considering living in Aus though

  3. I’m sorry but I have to debate this, as hilarious as the list was.
    1) this is true, they are called Selenocosmia crassipes or Brid- eating spiders. They are poisonous. However plenty of other countries also include giant spiders like this. I imagine your friend would probably be aiming for more of the cities then the bush in which case theses spiders aren’t an issue
    2) Tasmanian Devils are only found in Tasmania and are now endangered, not many left. I ask you though which is scarier, a tiny little dog/cat thing or a giant Cougar or Lion or Tiger or Wolf or Komodo Dragon? As you can see our predators suck compared to the rest of the worlds
    3) Yeah……best kept secret blown…..curses….
    4) and 5) NO ONE uses these! If they do then they are a tool! I have never in my 19 years ever heard them used except when mocking Australians
    6)that is probably the best explanation for the invention of that horrible spread, though the didgeridoo is only played around tourists or when officials feel like showing how “connected” they are with the aboriginals
    7) I would agree with this, crocodiles = danger though it is easy to avoid them, if you find yourself in the “outback” don’t jump in the water this would be like jumping in the Nile.
    8) ahhaha “A Dingo ate my Baby!”, so many people here should have been eaten. Though Dingo’s themselves are becoming endangered due to arsehole Australians killing them because they’re too stupid to respect nature. Its actually a serious problem, the endangering of dingoes not the baby eating.
    9) I have nothing to say to this except did you know Bieber apparently didn’t know what German was? I saw footage of him claiming that they didn’t say that in America

    On to Clares claim, I’ve never heard of a crocodile meat pie, though I cant see whats wrong with the idea, its only meat, other countries eat german shepards. On the matter of beer bottles, yes some brands have things about sports, never seen any about sex, though they would be funny.

    I’m not trying to defend Australia I just felt like clearing those things up. Though I did enjoy your post : )

  4. As an Aussie i'm highly offended by your tone. :)

    Vegemite does taste good though

  5. I have had a bird eating spider on my face. yes it was in a safe environment (if a boys boarding house is 'safe'. It was indeed the same size as my head.

    and I have said those saying probably once or twice, and I am VERY australian.