Thursday, June 24, 2010

A Lesson on Little Ones

I spent the majority of my day holding a baby. :)

Mmmm....babies are so sweet, and small, and almost makes me want to have another one. However, this is Angela Apple Bottom's first baby, so I thought I'd give her a few pointers....(once again, I'm helpful like that.)

People always say, "Babies do 3 things, eat, sleep, and poop."..... I'm going to let you in on a little secret, they also cry.....and that will happen:

a) when you've just went to sleep
b) in the middle of the night
c) as soon as you are on the phone (by the never stops...the phone ringing is like an imaginary switch that will cause every age of child to all of the sudden make a racket.)

Another common saying is "Sleeping like a baby"....just so you know, that means up every 2-4 hours crying, needing a new diaper, and fed...oh, then don't forget to burp him. I now use the saying "sleeping like a rock...."

But don't get me wrong, babies are wonderful little blessings....(don't worry, I'm not going to get all sappy on you....ok...maybe just a bit.)

It allowed me to catch up on absolutely every episode of Dawson's Creek in reruns. (It was on Monday to Friday at 5:00am....I actually started to loathe Saturdays and Sundays, because then what the hell was I going to watch. Seriously...Joey does not need Tom Cruise....she needs to go find Dawson, her true love.)

It also gives you a new appreciation for those snotty nosed kids. You know before you have a kid and you see someone out with their kids and they've got snotty noses...and you say to yourself "Frig...can't that woman see that she needs to wipe her child's nose....lazy ass!" Then one day, you'll be standing in the hardware store picking up paint to paint the next baby's room and you'll realize that your child is the one lookin' like a hobo.

There are another 1543 lessons to be learnt (probably a conservative estimate), but I'll let you learn a few for all the bells, whistles, and buttons involved in a car seat!


  1. Not really a child person myself...bit of an understatement actually.

  2. Catching up on all my blogs, been out of touch lately. :(

    Another thing? They will cry as soon as you step in the shower or sit on the toilet. You can't go to bathroom by yourself for like the first three years.

    There is no modesty in child rearing.

  3. Angela Apple Awesome BottomDecember 1, 2010 at 8:25 PM

    I finally remembered to go waaaayyyy back and read this! Thanks for all of your tips and advice. I think we finally have the car seat figured out...just in time to switch to the other one! haha